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My Autobiography..... I'm the only child.



anna14 1 / -  
Jul 13, 2017   #1

my own life in short



My name is Annabelle Miranda and I was born on the 14th of October, 1993 in Manila. I am now 23 years old. I come from Balayan, Batangas where I was grew up. I graduated Diploma in Information Technology a two-year course at STI College Balayan and now I'm pursuing my Bachelor degree here in OLOPS CollegeI worked for 2 yrs as a regular employee in Optis Philippines INC. I am not a very sporty person; my lifestyle is very simple.

My mother's name is Isabel V. Miranda and she is 50 years old. She is a housekeeper at Balayan Batangas. I'm an only child.

TJLuschen - / 236  
Jul 13, 2017   #2
I found a couple errors:

where I was grew up

I graduated [with a d]iploma in Information Technology[,] a two-year

The rest is grammatically correct, but your sentences are very simple and have a somewhat repetitive structure.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Jul 13, 2017   #3
Annabelle, I am not sure what the point of this statement is. As a summary presentation of your background, regardless of the minor grammatical structure errors, the information presentation works. It has complete information about you. Although, mentioning your mother in the essay doesn't make sense because you did not create a direct relationship of your mother's information with your given information. The fact that you are an only child and the work of your mother should be better integrated into the first paragraph. I am not sure why you are writing this paper. Is it for a masters degree application or something? Since I do not know what the purpose of this exercise is, I am unsure as to how to help you improve your presentation in terms of content and format. I wish you had included that information in your posting so I could have given you a more accurate review and applicable advice.
d2ny 12 / 39  
Jul 13, 2017   #4
@anna14
Why not dividing your paragraphs into several topic sentences? Let's say, the first paragraph is about your educational background. The second would be your hobbies. The third can be about your mom; you can elaborate more about you being the only child here.


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