Unanswered [1]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 6


'Babasaheb Ambedkar'; hich one person in the history would you like to meet?



akshayj25 1 / 1  
Nov 22, 2013   #1
I would like to meet Dr. Bhimrao Ramji Ambedkar aka Babasaheb Ambedkar. He was one of the most brilliant philosopher, anthropologist, historian and economist in Indian History. Born in very poor and a backward class family, he had a very troubled early life. Back them, the caste system had a very bad significance on Indians. Still with sheer efforts and focus he managed to get a degree in India and complete his post-graduation in United States.

Dr. Ambedkar was a man who believed in efforts to get success. He also believed in equality among all the castes. He was the major reason behind all Dalits (lowest-caste in Hindu syetem) were allowed to get blessings from Temple. He also helped them getting education. But after his death, his thoughts have been misconceived by the Government or the Backward communities. Now the reservations in education have caused disorder in education system. I would, for that matter like to take his opinion about, what his vision was and what in reality the scenario is.

I would also like to ask him the hardships he has gone through to become what he is and how he managed to focus in his education in spite of what was happening around him in the country then run by Britishers. It will be a huge insight for me personally with all sorts of facilities now available in India to get potentially qualified.

In his life, he was never appreciated and after his death is when the people truly realized his legend. So I as representative of all people, would also like to thank him for his guidance and idol and would personally try the application of his thoughts for the betterment of myself and my country.

SilverKnight 15 / 55  
Nov 23, 2013   #2
For the most part this answers the prompt. However, you might want to add a little bit more as to why you want to meet Dr. Ambedkar because this essay should primarily be about YOU. Also, there are quite a few grammatical errors. For instance:

"He was one of the most brilliant philosopher, anthropologist, historian and economist in Indian History." should be "He was one of the most brilliant philosophers, anthropologists, historians, and economists in Indian history."

"in United States" should be "in the United States"

"He also helped them getting education." should be "He also helped them to become more educated."

"So I as representative of all people, would also like to thank him for his guidance and idol and would personally try the application of his thoughts for the betterment of myself and my country." should be "So I, as a representative of all people, would also like to thank him for his guidance and the example of his wisdom, which I will personally apply to the betterment of myself and my country."

There are a couple more errors, but these are the main ones.

I hope that I was of some help to you.
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Nov 23, 2013   #3
I would like to meet Dr. Bhimrao Ramji Ambedkar aka Babasaheb Ambedkar.

.... I think you need to align this more with your prompt;
If I am give an opportunity to meat one person in the history, it is Dr Bhimarao Rami Ambedkar aka Babasaheb Ambedkar whom I wish to meet.

Born in very poor and a backward class family, he had a very troubled early life.

Born to a family that was very poor and socially inferior , Dr Ambedkar had a troubled early life.

Back them, the caste system had a very bad significance on Indians.

.... what you need to say here is that cast system was very powerful at that time and very prominent in society. Good or bad is a judgement and it is too early in your essay to come to such conclusion.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 24, 2013   #4
Dr. Ambedkar was a man who believed in efforts to get success.

Dr Ambedkar was a person who believed that genuine efforts would bring him success.

He was the major reason behind all Dalits (lowest-caste in Hindu syetem) were allowed to get blessings from Temple.

He was instrumental in gaining the rights of the Dalits, the people of lowest caste in Hindu society, to get blessings from the Temple.

He also helped them getting education

Dr Ambedkar also helped Dalits to win their rights to have a proper education.
OP akshayj25 1 / 1  
Dec 26, 2013   #5
I really appreciate all of you for the replies. I appeared for TOEFL and got 28 in writing. Cant thank you enough..!!! :)
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Dec 26, 2013   #6
Hey .... great news :) When's the party? LOL


Home / Writing Feedback / 'Babasaheb Ambedkar'; hich one person in the history would you like to meet?
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳