(Bar charts) The weight measurements of people living in Charlestown

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

analysis of weight issues

The bar charts provide an analysis of weight issues of the residents of Charlestown over the period of 60 years.
In 1955, there was a large proportion of people from all ages being ideally fit, ranged from 45% to roughly 70%. At the same time, obesity was not a serious health problem; with only 20% of middle-aged and elderly people were diagnosed. In fact, a more noticeable problem was being underweight, particularly affecting more than 40 percent of the old.

In contrast, being underweight was not that significant in 2015. In fact, it was only the problem among the youths while the number of underweight people aged from 60-69 had fallen to approximately 10%. However, obesity, resulted directly from being overweight, had become the most serious health problem for people after their 20s. At the same time, while the vast majority of the youths could stay healthy, hardly could people do so since they reached 40.

Overall, it is clear that there has been a rocket in the number of Charlestown's residents diagnosed with obesity while the problem of people being underweight seems to be solved within 60 years.

I am going to sit an IELTS exam in August, I really hope to receive feedbacks and be scored, if possible.
Best regards!

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I think you should fix the sentence: "...proportion of people from ofall ages ..."

@Linh Pham
Many thanks!

@hyperephania your presentation is lacking a trending statement and proper summary overview. This is not a comparison chart covering 60 years. It is a comparison chart of the years 1955 and 2015. There is a big difference between a 60 year comparison chart and a yearly comparison chart. If this were a 60 year comparison chart, the decades covering 60 years would have been indicated in the chart. That is not what is indicated so your statement is inaccurate. Since you are writing a paraphrase of the chart report, you need to make sure that your information is accurate because if it isn't, then you can and will fail the test.

With that said, I have to say that this is a poorly written essay as you have it presented. The reason? You are not using the data in the chart appropriately. For every percentage measurement, there is a corresponding age range indicated. Yet you do not mention the facts that cover the age completely. Rather, you just refer to middle age and old age or people after their 20's. Again, use the data in the chart. How can you be expected to present a proper analysis of the provided information if you do not present the information to the reader? If you cannot use the data provided, the report you are providing becomes questionable and cannot be used by the reader as an authoritative source of information. Where are the main features? Where are the comparisons of information as based on the data presented?

The task 1 essay also requires 4 paragraphs of at least 150 words to be considered fully developed and complete in presentation. Even though you wrote 198 words, you did not really analyze the essay and present the information in a manner that would have helped to increase your scoring considerations in the TA, C&C, and GRA sections. I will avoid scoring your essay for now because I know that you can do better than this and I hope to see marked improvement in your presentation in the next task 1 practice essay.

@Holt
Thanks for your comment, I am working hard on improving my writing skills and I will try my best to make my writings better.