Toefl essay: which is better learning from the advice of fnf or from personal experience

Question: Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference.

Answer:

Learning new things is important. To make our life more comfortable and to be a successful person we learn many things everyday. Some people think the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends and other think that personal experience is better. In my view, personal experience is the best way to learn about life.

First, it is important to get the life experience by oneself not from others. If we listen to our family and friends experience and try to learn from it, i believe, as we have not face that experience in person, therefore, we cannot get the whole scenario perfectly. Moreover, everybody deals with problems differently. We cannot simple believe, something is impossible just because our family or friends could not do it. For instance, last year some of my friends started preparation for Graduate Record Examinations (GRE) and after one month of preparation, they took the test and got a low score. After that, they all discouraged me to take the test. They told me that it could not be feasible for me to get a good score in GRE from one month preparation. However, I was determined and had decided to take my chance. I started my preparation and after one month of diligent study i took the test and got my desire score. As you can see, if I listened to my friends, i would never sit for the exam as well as never would get a good score.

Another reason is that, personal life experiences give us the opportunity to learn from our mistakes. I believe everyone's life is different from others. We do not have the same facility as well as we do not face the exact same problem in life. For instance, few years earlier, i decided to learn java and some of my friends suggested me to admit in a computer center to learn it. So, i admitted in a java learning course in a computer center. However, i learn only a few things there because the instructor was not that good and his method of teaching was so complex. It was just waste of my money and after a month, i left that course. Nevertheless, i did not give up my dream of learning java. I started searching and found a lot of online tutorials. With the help of those tutorials, i learned how to do program in java. This experience taught me, personal life experience is better than listening advice of friends.

In conclusion, as personal experience gives us the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and it is hardly possible to get the exact scenario from other life experience; therefore, I believe, it is better to learn from personal experience.

I am not sure , but I don't think you really fulfilled the task.Well, you answered "Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference." ,on the other hand you didn't answer "Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life." you only mentioned the advantages of that concerned with learning from personal experience ,but you didn't mention that of learning from advice you mentioned its disadvantages ... I think you should have followed the steps of the task by mentioning the advantages of both and then said which do you prefer using your aforementioned examples. Also in the first main body you wrote "If we listen to our family and friends experience and try to learn from it, i believe, as we have not face that experience in person, therefore, we cannot get the whole scenario perfectly." I think it's a bit unclear and it would be better if you either wrote it this way "I believe that if we listen to our family and friends experience and try to learn from it ,we won't triumph, as we have not faced that experience in person,therefore,we cannot get the whole scenario perfectly" or you would say it this way "If we listen to our family and friends experience and try to learn from it without facing that experience in person , we would not get the whole scenario perfectly" .. At last it's "We cannot simply* believe". Overall, it was enjoyable to read and persuasive.

There is no end to learning. From the day we are borne to the day we die, we keep learning things and it is this learning process would help us survive and thrive in life.

Good introduction :) You follow the right structure :)

.... sounds like a bit incomplete idea;
First, it is important to gain life experiences by ourselves without much support from others because it is the only way for us to be confident in ourselves.

I suggest you to stick to one reason per para and support that reason with just one example. This task is time bound and lengthening your body paras might put you in trouble at the real exam.

thank you all