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The body weight Bob and John, IELTS TASK 1



amour /  
May 3, 2016   #1
The body weight of Bob and John between 2008 and 2013 is depicted in the line graph. Moreover, the outline of each exercise time, diet and television watching time are also illustrated in the table for the same period. Overall, It is noticeable that john's weight increase gradually, while Bob's weight decrease instead throughout the year.

In 2008, the weight of Bob peaked at 250 pounds, while John's weight dipped at 190 pounds. Then, in 2011, the both men weight's was similar at 200 pounds. However, in 2013 the feature was reversed, John's weight soared to 240 pounds, whereas Bob's weight plunged into 180 pounds.

In addition, in the table revealed that in 2008, Bob possessed the highest total calorie per day and the longest time to watch TV. It was 15,000 calorie with the total television watching time was 30 hours per week. This was caused to Bob never do exercise in that time. Furthermore, this figure was identical to John's total calorie number and overall viewing TV time in 2013.


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Ethanchen1998 8 / 18  
May 3, 2016   #2
Hey amour, you explained how the graph looks like for the weight is perfect. However, you didn't use enough of the information that were given in the graph. Also, you start your writing with a introduction paragraph, so you need to end it with a conclusion as well. Before I edit your whole article, I'll wait until you are set with your content and format.

Moreover, the outline of each exercise time, diet and television watching time are also illustrated in the table for the same period.

Moreover, for the same period of time, exercise time, diet and television watching time are also illustrated in the table.
justivy03 - / 2265  
May 3, 2016   #3
- decrease instead throughout the year.

- In 2008, the weight of Bob's weight peaked
- in 2011, the both of the men's - feature washas reversed,

- In addition, in the table
- revealed, that in 2008,
- This washas caused
- to Bob never dodid exercise
- in thatat this time.

Hi Helene, as you can see, I took the liberty to edit your analysis and I hope you find it helpful and even more so, valuable to your revision.

Do let us know when you need further assistance and we will be here for you.
For future writing reference, you can definitely add a little revision on your analysis, it's just the forms of the words that kind of makes the analysis a little off, however, the construction id fine and the overall analysis is written fairly well.
OP amour /  
May 4, 2016   #4
Hi all thank you for your corrections and suggestions :)


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