"The Candy store" essay - need help on editing and a maybe a conclusion

The Candy Store

All people have a trait or personality that you can fit objects to him or her. Candy for instance, people have favorite candies and such that they always eat and enjoy. Sometimes it fits to his or her personality, or not.

The first thing I would like I am most like is Gummy Bears. I am smooshy because I have my kind and caring sides to me. But when time is added to the Gummy Bears the bears start to get hard and boring. Also I have different flavors or personalities; sometimes people do not like my flavors and just do not eat those bears. Also I am pretty darn cute.

Another candy would have to be the Willy Wonka's Everlasting Gobstopppers: I have many layers and I take a long to get through. What I mean by this is I have different aspect of personalities, and it takes time to understand me and get to really know me.

Sweet Tarts would describe me well also. Just like Sweet Tarts I am sweet at first, but then I am sour and kind of hard to deal with. Like everyone else in the world I am not perfect, no one is. Everyone has their ups and downs to their personalities and such.

Laffy Taffy personally is definitely in the top of the best candy in the world. Like me, it is smooth and easy to like. It always has a joke ready to brighten up the day: though sometimes people have trouble chewing on the humorous part of the joke, and just do not comprehend it quickly.

No one can ever forget the classic Hershey's Kisses that her just a minor brother/sister of the famous Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bar. Kisses are warm and very comforting when a friend needs help, just like me at times. But I also have that fun, loving side that comes with the Kisses.

The Reese's are way different from all the others. Now Reese's have this combination of two opposites that work together in the end. Reese's are salty and sweet. The salty side in me gets the things people do not understand like, the weird jokes, or the tragedy parts in a war and have an interest in it. But while with the sweet side cares for people and has that comforting side that a person needs to have to interact with others.

But my personal all time favorite candy in the world is York Peppermint Pattie. Just the oozy, goosy, goodness that fills the body when you take that first bite of the wonderfully peppermint mixed with dark chocolate mixture. And almost feels like a person's body is being deep cleaned all over. The best time to eat a York is right after dinner, you get that little bit of taste of minty flavor to make your breath smell nice, but then the dark chocolate make it taste as though you are eating dessert.

So just like how Gummy Bears, Willy Wonka's Everlasting Gobstopppers, Sweet Tarts, Laffy Taffy, Hershey's Kisses, and Reese's are similar to my personality I have my favorite candy which does not compare to my aspect of personalities and I love and enjoy me favorite for the taste and the way it make me fell inside.

My first thought here is that you use way too many candy types in your essay. Rather than move through so many different types, you might want to consider focusing on a single type, and elaborating on how that matches your personality. If you are determined to include the entire list, then you will need to greatly increase the amount you have written for each candy type. At the moment, you have only three or four sentence paragraphs, and for most of those paragraphs, the sentences could be easily combined into only one or two sentences, far fewer than a standard paragraph would normally have. I would suggest elaborating more on details you have already included. For instance, when you compare yourself to a Reese's, you talk about how the salty side of you gets the things people do not understand. How exactly is salt connected to getting things people do not understand? What does it mean that the salty side is combined with a sweet side? Do the two sides complement each other, or do they conflict? (You don't necessarily have to use the Reese's example if you want to focus on just one comparison; I'm just using that as an example).

thank you so much, this helped