IELTS- CAPITAL PUNISHMENT; 51% countries have polished death penalty

HELP ME CHECK IT-- thank you so much

topic: Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

"Capital punishment or the death penalty is a legal process whereby a person is put to death by the state as a punishment for a crime." In recently years, many countries have polished the law of the death penalty. In the whole world, 51% countries have polished death penalty; even, it is at 98% in Europe. Some people claim that without this punishment our lives would be less secure and crimes of violence would increase. However, others argue that it is not essential to control violence in society by the death penalty. Personally, I think it is no evidence about the reduction of crime rates due to the death penalty because of many reasons.

Firstly, capital punishment is a form of revenge which creates violent culture. Crimes kill someone which is illegal; nevertheless, the government use law to punish them, which is the same way they sinned but in a legal one. As a fact that the criminal is repeated second time; also, it is regarded as the "legalized revenge" to victims' family. Hence, death penalty neither controls the violent in society nor creates a violent culture.

Secondly, nobody has the right to take another human life. It is undeniable that the rights of life are the basic and vital rights of a human being. No one has the right to take the life of a human; even if he committed murder. If you kill a criminal, you become a criminal. Moreover, if we think that killing is the best way to solve the problem, it is neither unethical nor immoral. In short, crimes seem to increase due to the capital punishment.

Finally, with some of serious criminals, capital punishment is an easy way out. Criminals should be punished for their misdeeds. If they kill someone and end their life by dead without paying for their sins, it is so easy for them. They do not undergo any pain or misery. Why do not we have other wisely punishments? As we can see some industries such as mining, oil and gas extraction, reclamation, etc, needs many labors. Why do not punish them by doing something meaningful for the country- it is better. Moreover, rehabilitation and education is also a better way in order to prevent or minimize offensive acts.

To conclude, capital punishment is a form of legalized revenge, it is an easy way for serious crimes, and nobody has rights to take others life; thus, it neither demines crimes of violence nor be essential to control violence in society. The world should consider clearly about polishing the law of the dead penalty.

Hi Thanhmai
Your essay has great ideas but you won't get the privilege of using Wikipedia in your IELTS exam.
( please take it lightly ) ;-) ;-)

Hi,


... well, this is your intro and you really do not have to give examples in the intro. That may take your time too and this task has a major bearing on time. So, I would suggest you to follow this approach for your intro-

First open your intro with a hook statement (your first line would be fine for this purpose) Then introduce the background of the issue.


... this is fine.
Finally state your opinion clearly.
Personally, I think itthere is no evidence about the reduction of crime rates due to theenforcing death penalty because of many reasons.

You don't need to write details in intro. Just paraphrase the prompt.

Your writing is good. However, I see you put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words in the 5 paragraphs. If I were you, I would like focusing on one intro, two bodies paragraphs which are composed into a topic and an clear example, and one conclusion. By this, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

I am not sure if all of these are clear to you, but this is what I know.

Personally, I think itthere is no evidence about theto support that it helps reducereduction of crime rates due to the death penalty because ofdue to many reasons.


Well, although there is no harm in having specific examples in the intro, I feel you have done a bit overly. Why I say so is that you should be more careful with managing time for this task. This task has a major bearing on time and your primary goal should be to complete the task on time. So, exclude all detailed stuff in the parts of your essay. For the intro you should only have a good hook, background of the issue and your opinion on the issue.