Ielts: cement and concrete production graph

The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

Write at least 150 words

Source:Cambridge IELTS 8 Practice Tests Academic Writing Test 3 Task 1.

The diagrams describe the processes of cement and concrete production for construction purpose. As can be seen immediately, the whole sequences are laid out in various steps.

Initially, limestone and clay are introduced into a crusher where they are crushed to powder. Following that, a mixer is responsible for combining these powder to mixture, which consequently move an equipment called rotating heater. In this stage, mixture of crushed limestone and clay is heated and transferred to grinder. After passing though this machine, a complete product of cement is ready to packed in bags and used for producing concrete. At the first stage of concrete production procedure, a mixture which consists of 15% cement, 10% water, 25% sand and 50% grave - a kind of small stone - is concocted together in a concrete mixer. The outcome of this level is complete concrete which is able to use for building.

To summarize, the processes of producing cement and concrete covers multi steps, in which although concrete production consists of fewer steps, it requires more materials than cement production.

Please help me correct the writing above. Thanks!

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  cementconcreteprod.png
  

As can be seen immediately, the whole sequences are laid out in various steps.

It can be seen from the diagram that the production process of cement and concrete is laid out in various steps.

The diagrams describeillustrate the processes of cement and concrete production for construction purpose. ..."illustrate" is a better word.


.... this is not well presented. This task is aimed at testing your report writing capabilities, so you have to adopt a tone that goes well with report writing. Tell things straight and sound more official :D

Also, this paragraph should give an overview of the graphical presentation by discussing the major trends. So this is what I suggest;
The first diagram presents the steps of the process of cement production while the second diagram illustrates the percentage contribution of each raw material for concrete production.

Follow this structure for this task;
1. Introduction
2. Overview
3. Details

Thanks for your comments, Altaa and Dumi. :)

For introduction, can i use the sentence Altaa suggested. It is better, right?
You mean I should use the sentence "The first diagram presents the steps of the process of cement production while the second diagram illustrates the percentage contribution of each raw material for concrete production" as the first sentence of body paragraph?

One more thing I would like to ask it is necessary to write inclusion for task 1?