Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Chosing a career path... {discuss/opinion}


quyen0w0 1 / -  
Jan 10, 2021   #1
Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion



In advance of retirement, a section of the public is willing to be employed in a specific company while the opinions of various working places are admitted to be more beneficial. This essay will clarify these two aspects and my viewpoint.

Repeating the same work in an organization throughout the working life does not attract some people, resulting in the lack of employees 'motivation. Nevertheless, remaining the recent job's place reveals the loyalty of the worker as well as honor and their willingness to boost the organization's economic growth. In particular, the leader probably appreciates the ability to cope with internal issues or getting on well with colleagues which are significant elements in order to be successful in the career path. Strengthen closet relationships with bosses or partners while working around the same project is another benefit when sticking to a specific organization.

On the other hand, switching between several companies brings about efficient influences to some extent. Compared to those who are stable in the workplace, making a difference leads to activeness' and confidence. As a result, how they increase society's interaction undoubtedly enlarge their pulicial relationship and friendship circle. Additionally, it is hardly tough to make a big step in developing personal daily skills. To more specific, once overcoming problematic situations occurring in different working place' environment is likely to make people mature and devote to their responsibility and carefulness before making decisions.

Regardless of the significant drawbacks of distinguished organizations, I am of the opinion of maintaining a permanent location. That is not only because the application for a company is complex but having a sustainable working place provides more chances to settle down and manage a complete daily life as well.

To sum up, there is a wide array of the organization to be chosen for a career. Although many people believe that a single one is the best, I a highly convinced that making change results in more beneficial impacts

p/s please check my essay. thank you for your precious time
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,902 3559  
Jan 11, 2021   #2
While you did well in discussing the topic based on the given discussion points, you failed to do the same thing for your personal opinion presentation. It is too short. It fails to represent your opinion in a manner that you thoroughly used to discuss the public opinions. You need to have a balanced discussion that shows how you considered both public opinions before coming to your own opinion.

You have grammar and punctuation issues in the essay that you should have corrected during the proof reading of your draft. Never forget to check for grammar, spelling, and clarity issues in your draft before you consider it as the final copy. These are the 3 basic errors that exam takers forget to look out for and oftentimes, these cause the most deduction reasons in the final score.
parinitashetty 2 / 3  
Jan 12, 2021   #3
This essay is wonderfully executed and has amazing potential! Your grammar and sentence structure are usually on point or complex (complex makes a sentence an interesting read btw!). The direct nature of your essay is something that is needed for the audience to be engaged. However, that direct voice is inconsistent throughout your essay and does present a few problems.

-This essay will clarify these two aspects and my viewpoint.

This is the ending of your introduction. It's abrupt and removes the audience from the moment. It's always best to present your points in a succinct manner in your introduction, as it lays the groundwork for the audience and you as a writer to follow. Honestly, I feel because you haven't stated the points in your introduction, your essay is underdeveloped and leaves the reader confused as to what your two points were.

Hope this helps!

Sincerely,
Me
srjvob 1 / 4  
Jan 13, 2021   #4
You should make sure to check your grammar and spelling. We often forget to do these things and no matter how good the essay is, the reader will assume your carelessness and this will be very detrimental to the results that you want from your essay.

The introduction is still shaky and the ending is definitely too short and abrupt. You should look through it again.

The body has substance and a lot of room for potential. There seems to be no word limit so I hope you can expand on your ideas even further.

Best of luck!


Home / Writing Feedback / Chosing a career path... {discuss/opinion}