Commitment,Intellectual ability & Enthusiasm; Recommendation by academic advisor

Hi.. would you mind to check on my letter? I am not english speaker so I need some review for my letter.

How long and in what capacity have you known the applicant?
I have known Nina since 2005, when I became her academic advisor during the undergraduate program in XXX University. She also was one of my students in basic photography and photography design class.

How long and in what capacity have you known the applicant? We appreciate your candid assessment of the applicant's academic performance, character, personality, and professional potential. Your statement plays an important role in our evaluation. Please limit yourself to the space

As Nina's academic advisor, I have had the opportunity to know her and monitor her academic performance for four year. She has demonstrated her responsibility with strong commitment to complete the study very well as her transcript shows.

When I taught her in basic photography class, I found her to be a very conscientious student and quick learner with high motivation. I saw her enthusiasm in every class activities and every time I met her. She also plays herself as a dynamic, communicative and attractive person.

I strongly believe her commitment, intellectual ability and enthusiasm for learning that will ensure her big opportunity for great success in the future. She will able to develop her professional potential through your program. Therefore, I enthusiastically recommend this young lady for admission and scholarship grant to your institution without any hesitation.

PS: the second part only be provided 11 lines.

Regards
hanna

Hello, this is really good but here are a couple of things you can change. Add an 's' on the end of "year" in "for four year" You could reword the sentence, "She has demonstrated her responsibility with strong commitment to complete the study very well as her transcript shows." to "She has demonstrated her responsibility through her strong commitment to her academia, which is portrayed in her transcripts. Change "I saw her enthusiasm..." to "Her enthusiasm in every class activity showed her dynamic and hard working personality" You cannot use the word attractive in the English language in this way because it is a very personal comment on her physical appearance and is not appropriate in this context. In the sentence "I strongly believe her commitment, intellectual ability and enthusiasm for learning that will ensure her big opportunity for great success in the future," change it to "I strongly believe her commitment, intellectual ability and enthusiasm for learning will ensure her great success in the future."(so remove THAT and BIG OPPORTUNITY)

Thank Hollyn91! its helping me a lot! =)

If you are giving the names of the classes, capitalize them:
She also was one of my students in Basic Photography and Photography Design class.
but that actually does not seem right... I suggest this:
She also was one of my students in a basic photography and a photography design class.

This is written very nicely, but in order to establish credibility I think you should mention her weakness. Her weakness might be that she had a lack of confidence in the past or that she puts other people's needs ahead of her own. It does not have to be something bad. But if you include some mention of her "weakness" or areas that need improvement, it will give this much more credibility.

:-) this is very nice of you, and also... you should feel confident about your English. We really appreciate when teachers participate here at EssayForum!!

I was afraid this comment I made may have come out wrong. It's not that I think you should mention actual weaknesses; it's just that I think this could be more effective if it was more than just a typical letter of recommendation full of kind words. It is easy to establish credibility by using at least one sentence that described her strengths and the CORRESPONDING weaknesses. For example, when I was in school, I showed great enthusiasm and potential, but I had a learning block against math and science, which my transcript reflected. If this student has a similar area for improvement, you can mention it as something that is not actually bad... just something that adds definition to her personality and shows that you are giving a real, objective assessment. I hope I explained that well!

:-)

Yesterday, when I was checking her transcript, I found her weakness in drawing and illustration. Is it fine to mention it on the recommendation letter?

Yes, you can mention that, but maybe in a subtle way so that it would not be pretentious. You are such a good and kind adviser. Hope your student get into the school she's applying to!

What a great idea! Yes, that happens to be my weakness, too. I am good at writing but not at visual things. That is such an excellent example of a criticism that balances the praise without actually making her seem like a weak applicant. She is lucky to have you. :-)