In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness

the causes of the OBESITY and possible solutions

Nowadays, less people care about meals in one day and their health. Many country in the world, people more and more fat and exhausted energy as health and fitness are decreasing. In this essay, I will look at the causes of the problems and measures solve them.

The cause of the people is too fat and health, fitness endanger. The two main causes is everyone eat too much fast food, drink soda and lazy active. The first cause, why do everyone eat too much junk food and drink soda? Because, simply, they like it or it is faster, more convenient and cheaper than get ready for the perfect meal. For example, recent propotype concluded that restaurants as Mc Donald or fast food story are best-seller in many country. The second cause, everyone less focus on important do exercise. When The internet is popular in the world, everyone seldom get out of their home and it makes limit actives outside. For instance, recent research concluded that young people choice watch TV, play games, surf the web,...instead of physical training. That's why their weight are increasing and health endanger.

Now, I have two ways to remove those causes. It is everyone need limit eat fast food and do more exercise. First one, you shouldn't eat junk food way too often. In other words, you need eat foods which is good for your health and you must guarantee enough nutrients in your meals as eat more vegetables, fruits...When you want to eat junk food, remember its consequences. Secondly, you need do exercise. It not only to burn calories, enhance your health, but also help reduce stress, feel comfortable, watch your weight.

In conclusion, fat is not good for you, the two main causes are eat too much food which have many fat and a couch potato active. To get rid of bad habits everyone need limit eat fast food and training.

Your discussion topics should be outlined as a part of your paraphrase + response presentation. That means you should paraphrase in one sentence and use 2 sentences each for the cause and the solution topics. A total of 5 sentences.

You should stick to the first person pronoun usage in this essay, without using the word "you". Since this is a personal opinion paper, you may use any variation of "me, myself, and I" to refer to your reasons and solutions. You may also avoid using pronouns in total if you so wish. Structure the essay to present a general, rather than personal opinion. Use a gender free pronoun presentation instead.

Your presentation is really confusing to read. It jumps around so much that you do not really focus on a particular cause and solution per paragraph. For clarity sake, you should use the following format next time:

Sentence 1 : Cause
Sentence 2: Effect
Sentence 3: Solution
Sentence 4: Example
Sentence 5: Additional explanation for the solution and example

Do not bunch all of your discussions into one paragraph. Not only is that hard to follow, but it delivers a scrambled read to the examiner, who could find himself confused by your presentation. Right now, he will read this essay and consider it improperly developed.

Never use 2 successive punctuation marks. You can never use a comma and ellipses simultaneously. Use only the comma. By the way, you do not have 2 ways to solve the problem. You have 2 suggestions that will help solve the problem. Proper word usage will add clarity to your presentations.

You're using to much informal word in this essay, and also many words repeat in one paragraph. Besides, the structure of sentences needs more improvement to show off your arguments and ideas in tandem with the structure of essays that seem to be not logical to read.