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Daydreamer -- poetry-like


Rajiv 55 / 400  
Nov 12, 2011   #1
I like the word 'day dreamer' .. it makes me think of meadows and grass. Of a boy in teens, longish hair, soft expression and gentle eyes. A smile curling at the corners of his mouth.

You find him sitting on some grassy patch, a stem in his mouth, lost in thought with an inward look. What is it about him people wonder - should we like him, or pull him up ?

Like some beast in the wild, a grazing horse, he lifts his head to survey the rolling grounds. His thoughts are like a river, natural, not overly turbulent. There's a harmony in them, with the skies and the universe.

Approach him like you would a river running gently beneath leafy branches. You might want to sit on its grassy bank and watch the gurgling waves at play. Sloshing on stones, white and centuries old; mesmerizing, washing away the tiredness of your mind.

He is a happy one, you feel. Yet you want to tell him, tarry not my friend, lest life leaves you behind. Don't you have chores to do ? People waiting for you ? But, what business is that of yours? Why do you pull him out of his reverie?

He laughs, sensing your envy. Ah day-dreamer, you must have been a bird in a previous life-time.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Nov 16, 2011   #2
Don't you have chores to do? People waiting for you? ---The question marks were not up against the end of the words.

You are an amazing poet! I read this 4 times and it is beautiful. The only thing I would change is where you wrote daydreamer as 2 words, after saying, 'I like the word...

Again, beautiful poem. Good luck with school and keep writing!

:)
OP Rajiv 55 / 400  
Nov 17, 2011   #3
Thank you Susan, for lighting my day.
denzelmcd 2 / 3  
Nov 17, 2011   #4
I loved it. I didn't see any mistakes that needed to be made that Susan didn't mention. Keep writing because you are amazing!
rajp98 1 / 4  
Nov 17, 2011   #5
This is perfect, about sensing your envy, I dont think the person can sense it


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