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Debate about whether to teach children competitiveness or create a spirit of cooperation in them



knhusone 3 / 6  
Jun 24, 2016   #1
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged..discussion writing 2

there are too much debate about whether to teach children competitiveness or create a spirit of cooperation in them. in my opinion, both of these views have their advantages and disadvantages but they are equally important.

admittedly, we are living in a society like a rapid-fire race and require us-candidates- constantly compete with others. children should be informed of this soon and provoked their potentials. the most major benefit of competition is that the kids can explore enormously with their abilities to achieve the greatest results. A competitive could also be both a challenge and a motivation to keep them hard-working to attain their own goals. In fact, most top-achievers are ambitious people who are never afraid to collide with others. moreover, competitiveness is usually associated with self-confidence and maximum efforts that every child should own. however, the drawbacks of this feature are seriously considered, as people claim that it may lead to jealousy ans obssession with decrepancy between children and their friends.

on the other hand, collaboration is variously beneficial to children. it teaches them to ultilize individual advantages to create the most powerful union to reach the goal in the easiest way. besides, working with others teaches them more that hoe to elevate themselves as children will also learn to help people and socialize their ego with the whole community. an open mind of mixing with others is a characteristic needed for a devoted and helpful person. in fact, schools always set examples of cooperation for students to witness with teamwork.. however, the habit of having supports from outside may hammer children' independence in some certain cases, such as doing their own assignments. Furthermore, it is not good for them to stay in a crowed without trying to mark their own trace. they need a race to show theirs inner force and that is they hardly have when they are together.

in brief, there are voluminous things to educate a child, including competitiveness and collaboration. having their pros and cons going hand in hand, we should encourage both two personalities in kids so that they will be growning helpful and successful.

ilankelo21 36 / 40  
Jun 24, 2016   #2
Hi Tran. In order to make the reader clearly understand what is needed to assess, i strongly recommend you to address the whole question. Regarding to your essay, I have to say you need to do a hard working in achieving a high quality of writing. When it comes to introductory paragraph, there are some essential parts to put. They are background (paraphrase of the question) and thesis statement (a sentence describing writer's position, equipped with some reasons supporting it). Here i give you an example.

A high dispute occurs among many people whether competitive or cooperative class should be implemented in teaching children. Some say a class taught with sense of competition is highly recommended as this will lead children more serious following the lectures while others tend to argue against this idea. While teaching children competitively encourage them to be more creative, I am more likely to believe that a cooperative method is more acceptable since this type of teaching brings children to be well-mannered in communicating with their friends.
able_Person 5 / 9  
Jun 24, 2016   #3
Hi Tran Ngoc Khanh Neu, here are some of my suggestions. I hope it will help you:)

Since MUHAMMAD ILHAM has already give you a good example of the introductory part, I will try to re-write some parts in the rest of your essay.


admittedly, we are living in a society like a rapid-fire race and require us-candidates- constantly compete with others.
It is no denying that we are living in a society where we have to constantly compete with others.

children should be informed of this soon and provoked their potentials.
Hence, it is important to nurture a sense of competition among children ...
the most major benefit of competition is that the kids can explore enormously with their abilities to achieve the greatest results.
One of the biggest benefits of competition is that it help children strengthen their various capabilities, which is crucial for them to achieve greater success in the future.

In fact, most top-achievers are ambitious people who are never afraid to collideconflict with others.
I think 'collide' is often used when describing a situation like a meteorite hitting some planet.

however, the drawbacks of this feature are seriously considered, as people ...
However, the drawbacks of this feature should be also took into consideration, as people claim that it may create an adversarial relationship between children and their friends.

Cheers:)
justivy03 - / 2265  
Jun 24, 2016   #4
HI Tran, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, we hope you find this website credible, useful as well as helpful addition in your writing projects. We strive to provide you with the most accurate and objective criticisms in your essay.

Now, what I notice in your essay, is the fact that you didn't write it in formal way, no capitalization, mind that when you post your essay here on EF, you have to treat it like submitting to the panel already. However, I understand that this is your first post on EF, now you know what to do next. I would also like to stress that in this type of essay, you can create a maximum of 3 paragraphs, this should suffice the needed information in your essay.

Below are my suggestions for your essay.

-requires us-candidates- to constantly
- compete with each others .
- and provokedencourage their potentials.
- the most major benefit of competition
- is that,the kids can explore
- enormously with their abilities to achieve
- their greatest resultspotential .
- A competitive child could also
- be exposed to both a challenge and
- a motivation to keep
- them hard- working hard to attain their own goals.

There you have it Tran, I hope the suggestions above helps in your revision. The idea you are trying to impart in your essay is very current, indeed, children this days should be exposed to different aspects of life in order for the to get better later on in life.


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