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The best way to teach children to cooperation is through team sports

trinhxuanbach 1 / -  
Jan 25, 2023   #1

The best way to teach children to cooperation is through team sports

An opinion usually heard these days is that the best idea to make youngsters more collaborative is through team sports. From my perspective, I do agree with this notion despite some concerns with the other suggestions that I will mention in this essay.

Many people believe that joining in team sports enables children to better understand about cooperation, which is the chief method, because of the following reasons. One of them lies on the essence of team sports - requiring at least two people to engage. Participating in such kinds of sport will create opportunities for childreen to meet and have conversations with their partners; thus, their relationships are about to expand. Additionally, these sports will shape their characters which brings up high moral human beings. For example, members of Viet Nam national football team possess very strong bonds of friendship, and they are also beloved of all since they are very affable with their fans and also have passionate patriotism.

On the other hand, I hold a firm belief that there is many a way that makes children conjoin. One striking inspiration is doing charity works, including visit the orphanages as well as nursing homes. Children especially adolescents can spend their time donating their unused items such as clothes or books to needy people. From this action, they would know how to join hand to build a strong community to do good for society. Another good idea is entering clubs, which can serve as a platform for children to express their thoughts about some familiar problems they have observed. In consequences, youngsters are able to listen to and share with their members,being considered as the powerful tools when entering into the world.

From what has been discussed above, it can be concluded that although the problem is explicit, some proposals, in my opinion, are more vital. What people should do is to pursue to encourage the next generations to implement methods mentioned above in order to become a willing citizens.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,648 4752  
Jan 25, 2023   #2
The response you have used in this presentation is incorrect. While it appears that you are giving a degree of measured response through the use of the word "despite", it does not actually accomplish the clarity of opinion in the presentation. You indicate that you agree with the opinion, but failed to indicate to what extent. You should have indicated that you "agree with this notion to the extent that..." in order to create a more appropriate response. Always establish the reason for your opinion as a thesis statement. That way you meet the measured extent response requirement. In this case, the opinion lacks clarity due to the lack of summarized reasoning basis.

Never waste time discussing the benefits of the opposing discussion. The examiner does not care about that. He will not give that paragraph a score since it does not relate directly to your own opinion. Only 2 personal opinion supporting paragraphs will receive full scoring. In this case, partial scoring will be applied to the third paragraph but none for the 2nd paragraph. That is the paragraph that does not support your opinion. So it is invalid as a discussion point.

The partial scoring that will be applied to the third paragraph may not be enough to achieve a passing score. That is because the overall scoring consideration for the essay will be based on an under developed discussion. It is under developed because of the lack of convincing argument to prove your extent response should be believed.

Even your summary conclusion is incorrect and lacking in clarity. The summary conclusion should do just that. Restate the problem, your opinion, and reasons for your response within 40 words or, more specifically, within at least 2 sentences. Your conclusion lacks clarity in this instance because you did not recap the overall discussion points.

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