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"Depression" - An experience that has shaped my character



thaonhhi29 1 / -  
Feb 19, 2023   #1

An experience that has shaped my character



I will never forget a call I received on April Fool's Day two years ago.
It was 3:56 a.m. when I heard a trembling voice on the other line: "He's gone...." Initially, I thought it was just a hoax from my friend. But, eventually, the truth is, when I became 17, he stayed at 16 forever.

"Depression" - that was how they explained his passing. My friend - once a jolly, upbeat youngster has been withered under the weight of academic pressure. There is a proverb in Vietnam that reads: "Pressure makes diamond". When I told my parents about my friend's tale, all I got in return was indifference and rejection. My dad said: " If you can't handle this trivial pressure, soon or later you will crumble under the burden of adult life. " That was when I understood, in this merciless society, there is no room for the fragile. And I had to do something.

Previously, the only thing I cared about was grades. After that loss, I began to appreciate my friends more. A sense of understanding and empathy were gradually cultivated inside me. Hearing others' stories, I felt relieved as I realized, I was not the only one suffering from grief. They were distraught, too. Day by day, pursuing understanding helped allay my pain, but I also wanted to make a positive difference. I'm determined to delve into the fields of Education and Psychology. I want to comprehend people's emotions and hear their confidences. I want to be someone's rock whenever they feel a misery, with all my heart and knowledge.

Two years have passed since that fateful day and it is bitter that I have to recite this woeful experience in a 250-word application. It wasn't until I sat down to write this essay that it brought home to me how resilient I've become. I found my purpose - caring for others instead of focusing on myself. And now, growing up from pain, whatever life throws at me, I will always be ready.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15461  
Feb 19, 2023   #2
trembling voice

Who placed the call? I know you are going for dramatics here but, dramatics without proper buildup just ends up being a half hearted attempt at writing and setting up the scene on paper. It is confusing. A friend called. Who stayed 16? Was he a best friend? A boyfriend? What sort of relationship did you have with this person and this person with his peers that his death would be enough to shape a person's character? The problem is, answering these questions would make the essay all about someone else rather than about your character development. Maybe there is a different reference point that you can use which would keep the focus on you rather than the event that happened to your friend? You can still use this reference if you flip the discussion to focus on you instead. For example, why knowing this person improved your character. Did you try to emulate him? Why? Does your new character honor him? Why is it important that you do that (improve your character to honor him?) I believe that this essay needs a version 2.0.


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