[ Task 2 - Discussion ] take a job before university

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university

These days many people decide to take a job for a few years to get some experience before going to university and I think this is a good idea. However, there are also a number of disadvantages for people to do that.

First of all, working after school can help students get practical experiences ready to go to the academy. For example, if people want to major in marketing in the university, they can take a part-time job in a store or café shop where they can get close with many customers and know exactly what customers want. Moreover, for someone who hasn't known what discipline they will study in university can be easier to find out their true passion. Or students who are not rich also earn an amount of money to help their parents prepare for studying in university.

In the other hand, when students stop to work can forgot theoretical knowledge they studied in secondary and high school, for instance Vietnamese students spent 12 years of life to study in school and if they rest for a few years, then they will not remember it clearly and I think it extremely difficult for them when study in university. Furthermore, they are not mature enough to work in adult-lifestyle and sometimes they will be influenced by bad people around them like gambling, drug addiction and so on.

To sum up, there are both positives and negatives of having a one-year gap between high school and college. One helps students numerous more things in the future and in the other ways might ruin their whole life.

Why are you presenting a personal opinion when the prompt does not call for it? The original discussion instruction just asks you to present the advantages and disadvantages of the topic in 2 paragraphs. Nowhere does it as "Do you agree or disagree?" or "Give your opinion". Where none of these 2 instructions are present, no personal opinion is necessary.

The reasoning paragraphs suffer from a convincing debate development. Both paragraphs lack proper explanation and supporting evidence for the reasons provided. Do not offer more than 2 (dis)advantages per paragraph. The scoring basis of these paragraphs will focus on the connectivity and relevance of the discussion points. So reason 1 must be related to reason 2, with the supporting examples and explanations giving credence to both provided reasons. The presentations in your paragraphs fail to make those connections. The reasoning paragraphs are weak and severely under developed.

You were off to a good start in the concluding summary. However, towards the end, there was an unproven claim that one of the 2 discussion points would ruin a person's life. This is an exaggerated and personal claim not really supported in the given discussions. Since this is a mere restatement of the topic and discussion points, any semblance of a personal opinion or obvious exaggerations should be avoided.

The introduction could have a bit more work done on it. For example, the sentences are too long and wordy. Introduce the discussion about advantages and disadvantages first before giving your stance on the topic.

The number of advantages you list can be divided into two paragraphs, where you can develop them coherently better, like the point about students finding their passion through work experience cold have it's own explanation in a separate paragraph.

The disadvantage paragraph seems quite disconnected from the earlier paragraph as in there is little link between them.

The conclusion also became quite farfetched with the 'can ruin their whole life' line because you did not indicate any such ideas in the previous paragraphs.