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IELTS Writing task II: discussion about children's ill behavior


deyangsh 2 / 3  
Feb 9, 2014   #1
Topic
A recent research shows that children are becoming lazy, fat and unsociable, give your possible causes and measures.
no less than 250 words

Answer

Although many parents consider they have struggled to foster and educate their children by their best, the latest research shows there is a large number of juvenile are suffering from the problems with obesity, laze and disability of sociality. Therefore, the contributory causes of the pressing phenomenons and their corresponding measures will be explored and put forward.

Firstly, Children today are facing the problem of taking too much unhealthy food which provides more calories than they need. With the increasing pace of life, As children from double-income families, their parents have to spend more time on jobs while taking care of their children. In that case, parents do not have enough time to prepare dinner themselves for the family and so that the kids are often forced to take fast food, like hamburgers or pizza containing a great deal of energy and making people get fat easily. Secondly, with the help of advanced machines our lives become easier, nevertheless children are kept away from more exercise in the meanwhile. Taking less walk by cars, household appliances liberate them from chores children used to take to support their parents. Instead, children live sedentarily at home watching TV, playing video game or surfing the internet in front of the computer. Less opportunities outside of the house means more chances to gain weight and less possibility to communicate with people which should be a good way to enable the capability to one's interpersonal skill.

To combat these problems, actions have to be taken. Such as inspiring our children to enjoy outdoor activities which can strengthen their build. Healthy food should be introduced onto the table to promise proper diet and reasonable nutrition to a child's growth. Further more, parents are suggested to have trips with their children, through which children and their parents can make better mutual understanding and their social ability can be enhanced by communicating with people from different places.

In conclusion, based on the aforementioned causes, unhealthy food, improper life styles and addiction to electronic devices are the reasons to be blamed. Nevertheless, there are potential effective measures to alleviate their adverse impacts.

Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Feb 9, 2014   #2
Firstly, Children today are facing the problem of takingconsumingtoo much unhealthy food which provides more calories than they need.that leads to obesity and other health related issues.

With the increasing pace of life, As children from double-income families, their parents have to spend more time on jobs while taking care of their children.

Hey, there are too many ideas cramped inside this sentence :( I think you need to rephrase this. Limit one idea per sentence and enhance clarity of your writing :)

First, tell all possible causes clearly. For example;
There are several causes that give rise to these issues. First, it is the unhealthy food that children consume on regular basis that leads to obesity and other health related issues. Due to busy modern life-styles, many parents feed their children with fast foods that are rich in calories. Second reason is that the children lack enough physical exercises. For example, many children get car lifts to their school instead of walking.
OP deyangsh 2 / 3  
Feb 9, 2014   #3
Thank you for you idea Pahan.I agree with you that repetitive causes leading to a unclear structure.
halleybachelor 16 / 25 1  
Feb 9, 2014   #4
the kids are often forced to take fast food

I don't think "force" is appropriate. They just don't have the alternative.


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