One of the greatest concerns parents when facing an international moves is " How is the influence of TV on society with their children?". Firstly, watching TV makes people become lazy and passive. Children are interested in watching cartoon film, advertising programs. In addition to, manufacturers have many channel for children such as: Disney channel, BiBi and a lot of show games. Because of that , they can spend all day watching TV, they don't want to enjoy the activities outside. Secondly, it is bad effects with their health. As focus on screen for a long time - you are damaging your eyes. Futhermore, it will be very dangerous for your back, your aims, legs If you watching TV too much. The last and most important effects is children who can be influenced by violent film. Therefore, personality of them will growth toward nagative . Lack of comunication skills is a challenge of themself . Consequently, they have some problems with psychology. To sum up, TV is something we can't do without in our life, but the parent should teach them the way to choose an appropriate channel.
The Effects of TV on Society, especially on children;
One of the greatest concerns parents when facing an international moves is " How is the influence of TV on society with their children?
-> It is believed that how TV influences children in the present society has drawn much parental attention.
In addition to, manufacturers have many channel for children such as: Disney channel, BiBi and a lot of show games
-> Besides/In addition/In addition to that, there have been various channels produced specifically for youngsters such as Disney Channel or Bibi.
Because of that , they can spend all day watching TV, they don't want to enjoy the activities outside
->Therefore/As a result/Accordingly, they much prefer spending the majority of their time watching TV to participating in outdoor activities
Secondly, it is bad effects with their health
-> Secondly, it has a negative impact on children's health.
As focus on screen for a long time - you are damaging your eyes
-> Watching the box from a near distance for hours would potentially cause harm to their eyesight
Futhermore, it will be very dangerous for your back, your aims, legs If you watching TV too much
->Furthermore, back pain and limb trouble are directly linked to the habit of watching TV too much.
The last and most important effects is children who can be influenced by violent film. Therefore, personality of them will growth toward nagative
-> Lastly, violent TV programs pose a threat to the personality development of children.
Lack of comunication skills is a challenge of themself themselves. Consequently, they have some problems with psychology.
-> Is it related to the preceding idea? You wrote "The last" on the preceding sentence.
TV is something we can't do without in our life,
-> TV plays an important part in our life
but the parent should teach them the way to choose an appropriate channel.
-> It is not clear and "them" should be replaced by children.
Hope these help!
First, you should post this type of essays under "Writing Feedback" forum. Second, it is better you indicate the purpose of this writing so that we can align our comments accordingly. Whatever the purpose is, you need to have an introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion for any essay. In the introduction, you need to introduce your topic. This looks like a short answer and I do not see any essay format here.
Thanks for your comments. I will modify the way of writing.
Um, I seem to have many mistakes. Thanks for your correction!
nice essay with minor errors
Thanks for your comments. I will modify the way of writing.
I'm sure you will ... Redo this essay and post it to the forum. We will help you with comments to improve :)