Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


Expository essay on my early years



samuraitom 23 / 18  
May 5, 2007   #1
Thinking back to the time when Power Rangers were still cool, Pokemon was not yet the massive global sensation that it is today. Nostalgia feels me and makes me feel old. Reflecting back on the fun times of my childhood before hitting that dreaded high school and having to act grown up. It was a simpler time back then when I did not have any care in the world. Those were the times which are worth reliving.

My first video game console was the Super Nintendo, I remember that day vividly. My parents and I were in Sears. I laid eyes on the Super Nintendo display case and instantly knew that I need to have it. I could see and hear the excited yells and laughter from other children surrounding it. So I did what normal children do, beg. I tugged at my mother's shirt and begged her to buy it. Eventually she caved in and told my father to get it for me. My face lighted up with triumph, I was jumping up and down in glee that drew the attention of neighboring shoppers. We also grabbed Super Mario World, and when we were finally back home. I played the console for hours on end. This pretty much led to my eventual love for video games.

It was a beautiful Saturday, my father and I went to see Grandpa. The man was not really my grandpa but he looked and acted like one so I called him just that. He used to buy me Kentucky Fried Chicken whenever he would come over to our house to chat. I always love some KFC. After being bored of staying inside, I went outside to play. I eventually ended up on the side of his house. I saw a pile of leaves and began to feel the urge to jump on it. Who can resist a pile of leaves? I decided that I needed my satisfaction and jumped in. Then something strange happened, the ground gave way. I quickly grabbed at anything to keep me from falling. I struggled up and upon inspecting the incident. I saw that it was a tunnel. Who would guess that there would be leaves covering a tunnel? Like some kind of trap for a wild animal. The peculiar thing is that I saw a little flickering light in the tunnel. Being around 5 years of age at this time, my emotions went to fears to fascination and curiosity. There was a light at the end of the tunnel, also seemed like I died. I ran inside to tell my father but of course he didn't believe me. I went outside again and ran to the hole but the hole was nowhere to be found. I shrugged and went back to playing. Thinking back on this event has made me believe that some things in the world are unexplained.

I experienced my first snow in South Carolina. It was an odd time, the meteorologist predicted that there would be snow in the area that I lived. Of course schools were canceled, my friends and I were ecstatic. The snow came heavy for several hours. Afterwards, we got together and had a snowball fight. The snow was not really snow, it was sludge kind of, snow mixed in with dirt. It was rather nasty but this was the first time we saw snow so it did not matter to us. The feeling of pegging my friends with a sludge ball was pure ecstasy. The dull sound of the ball impacting with my friends' heads equal pure laughter as they struggle to hit me. That day was the best day of my life, just having fun with my friends.

Thinking back on my childhood, it reminds me that my life now is not that great. It truly would makes someone want to go back in time and relive their childhood over again. I wish that life would move a little slower but as the end of high school beckons on. I realize that I should have made the best of what I have now and that the past should stay in the past. It is better not to dwell in the past.

Is it okay for an expository essay? Critique please. Also can you look back at my persuasive essay, 21st century. I changed a few things and I would like opinion.

EF_Team2 1 / 1703  
May 5, 2007   #2
Greetings!

You've written a good essay, but I'm not sure that it is an expository essay. An expository essay is designed to convey information and explain something so that it can be more easily understood. It is normally an informative "here is some important information" or a "how-to" type of essay written in the third person. Unless your instructor told you to make it about yourself, you might have a problem with classifying this as an expository essay.

Can you post the assignment instructions? (if you received written ones, or made notes of what s/he said).

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
OP samuraitom 23 / 18  
May 5, 2007   #3
"__________, the early years"

What was your life like prior to high school. What cute things did you do as a baby? What horrible moments would you like to forget? Do you have any great story to relay about a trip or an event? What were your favorite games as a child? Who did you play with? (expository essay)


I'm also confused because when I looked up expository essay prior to writing it. Wikipedia and other sites said that it had to have a thesis statement and such.
EF_Team2 1 / 1703  
May 6, 2007   #4
Greetings!

Well, individual instructors have their own takes on things. I suppose just consider this is an essay that gives the reader information--about you!

A couple of suggestions about your conclusion:

It truly would make someone want to go back in time and relive their childhood over again. I wish that life would move a little slower but as the end of high school beckons on, I realize that I should make the best of what I have now and that the past should stay in the past. It is better not to dwell in the past, but to live in the present and look toward the future. [just a suggestion]

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


Home / Writing Feedback / Expository essay on my early years
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳