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Expository Essay: Important holidays for me


Verde 1 / -  
May 31, 2007   #1
Hey everyone!

Just a little background.. I've been out of (high) school for about 3 years now and currently I'm working on my G.E.D. I've been having some doubts about my essay writing skills so I will be posting one that I've just written up.

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Think of some holidays that are important to you. Why are these holidays important to you?

Holidays are very important to me. There are many holidays I enjoy, but the three I enjoy the most are Independence Day, Halloween, and Christmas.

Independence Day was always an amazing holiday. Every year my entire neighborhood would bring their fireworks and put them on a large table that my friend's family would set up. People would set up their grills and cook steaks, hot dogs, and hamburgers for anyone that came by. And at the end of the night everyone would come together in the middle of the street to enjoy the big fireworks show. It's great how everyone could forget about their worries even if it was just for one day and have a good time with friends and family.

As a child, Halloween was such a fun holiday. It would take my friends and I months to choose which costumes we wanted to wear. Of course by that time all of the good costumes would already be taken. Nevertheless we would go door to door trick-or-treating in our mediocre costumes laughing and giggling the entire time.

Christmas has to be the holiday I appreciate and enjoy the most. I would wake up on Christmas morning and dash towards the living room where all the presents would be waiting for me under the Christmas tree. After I had opened my presents, my father and I would sit on the couch to watch the "A Christmas Story" marathon while my mother would start to prepare her famous Christmas dinner. I love being there with them on that day. It's the best day of the year for me.

In summary, there are many holidays that are important to me. My three favorites are Independence Day, Halloween, and Christmas.

And in case anyone was wondering.. most of this is indeed ficton.

Thanks in advance to anyone who comments!

Blue840 2 / 1  
Jun 1, 2007   #2
I am no expert, but your conclusion paragraph needs more work, add little details about why they're your fav. , but don't repeat yourself. Also, you might want to add alittle more to your 1st paragraph about Halloween also. Well, good luck on your G.E.D!! i just recently got mine and currently working on my Associates.
EF_Team2 1 / 1,709  
Jun 2, 2007   #3
Greetings!

Congratulations on working towards your G.E.D.! I think you've done a fine job with your essay--particularly impressive if it is mostly fiction! I agree with Blue that the conclusion could use a bit of pumping up. Paragraphs should generally have a minimum of three sentences. When you summarize the thesis statement, don't use the same words as in the opening, and try to make it a little more colorful. For instance, you could say, "The joy of family and friends coming together to celebrate these three holidays is what makes them particularly special for me."

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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