'the figure fluctuated between 1920 and 1940' - Birth Rates in China and the USA

The line graph shows that the alteration of the birth rates in different countries over a period of 80 years.

It is evident that the birth rate of each country fluctuated between 1920 and 2000. China is expected to see the most dramatic changes in its fertility.

Although the figures of China jumped markedly, there was a rapid decline during the period from 1920 to 1945. However, in 1950, the percentage of China fertility reached a peak of 20%. Interestingly, the figures of China saw a considerable fall until the end of the 2000s, to approximately 2%.

Comparing the USA fertility, we can see that the figure fluctuated between 1920 and 1940, then slide away to less than 5% and started climbing a peak of more than 15% in 1950. It is interesting that the percentage of America births saw an exponential drop until the end of the period, similar to China birth rate. (154)

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Hello, I hope you might find these points useful:
1. Fertility is not an appropriate term to use in such explanation. You should probably stick to terms like 'growth rate' , 'birth rate' etc.
2. This plot shows clear fluctuations between 1930-1950/55 period. You should emphasise more on this.
3. You can use your general knowledge about the population growth , especially in China, where one child policy was implemented.
4. If this essay is for IELTS/ TOEFL etc exams, you need to stick to the word limit and not exceed it. One of the purposes of these tests is to check how can you express your views in limited words and use them efficiently.

5. I think there is not a well-defined conclusion to this essay. It would be better if you merge the 2nd and 3rd para and write a conclusion at the end.

Good luck.

Thank you I'll analyse it, but I wrote this essay according to "Introduction, Overview, Details, Details" stucture which was taught by my teacher! Thanks again!