This figure illustrates some new construction in the town of Garlsdon

Here are my practice on IELTS task one writing.
Hope you guys could give me a little help on it.

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the new shopping place for Garlsdon citizens

Answer:

This figure illustrates the constructure of the town of Garlsdon in which the amount of people is 65000 and there are two main roads and a railway.

As we can see, there are two supermarket in the town. The town is composed by 4 different region, countryside, housing, industry, and the town centre from outside to inside order.

Looking at closely, there is one supermarket in the countryside which is the boarder of the two. The other supermarket is in the center of the town surrounded by the industry region. Finally, the housing parts are between the industry region and countryside.

There are three town nearby, Hidon, Bransdon, and Cransdon. Hidon is 12 km far from Garlsdon in the west-norht. The town of Bransdon is 16 km far from Garlsdon in the west-south. In the end, ransdon is 25 km away from here in the west-north.

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  The map
  

Ho, the results of this essay could be no higher than a 3 for you. There are simply too much left over information in the map that you failed to represent in the essay. This map clearly required an analysis of how the creation of a second supermarket would benefit the community. That is why there was information related to the number of kilometers it would take for the residents of each town to get to each supermarket. While you did present the information about the road kilometers in the essay, you failed to analyze it properly in reference to the actual meaning of the drawings. Therefore, you only represented the information as it appeared in the illustration. The lack of analysis and further development of the presented information on your part held back the possible high score that you could have gotten for this essay.

Each part of the essay should have been mentioned in relation to the number of residents, the distance of the first supermarket from each town, and an analysis as to whether or not the creation of a second supermarket would have been beneficial to the residents of the towns indicated. Keep in mind that the second supermarket is still being planned. In your essay, you make it sound as if the supermarket is already in existence. So you misunderstood the instructions, as well as the map illustrations.

@Holt
thanks for that. Im be too urgent to answer it without watch the prompt closely.
Thanks again for the respond.

@MH_tw

Dear Deng, other than you miss many information from the figure, your words is only 146 though.
I think it will lower your score more. Pay attention on it next time.

You can practice in the "real answer sheet" and count how many words usually you wrote in one line.
It will help you at the real test, just by counting the line.

Keep it up!