[TOEFL] 'Firstly, people want to have more knowledge' - why attend to college or university?

Thank you for helping me!

Topic: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Answer

Studying at universities and colleges are dreams of many people all over the world. Since the historical time, attending university has always been the goal of many high school students. Nowadays, thanks to the globalization, students can not only attend universities or colleges in their own countries but they can apply to many universities which are bigger, more prestigious and more famous in over the world. As a result, there are concerns about the reasons why students apply to study at universities. In my opinion, I believe students wish to be members of universities because of these following reasons.

Firstly, people want to have more knowledge. College students can obtain higher education in a way which is obviously different from it in high schools. Moreover, colleges focus on specific majors, which can help us to approach professional books and study materials. There are people loving chemistry, but there are also others who like to know more about economics. Therefore, they try to attend universities to satisfy their curiousness about this world.

Secondly, studying a particular major at college could give people chances to get good jobs in the future. If they have professional knowledge as well as skills, people will get stable careers and incomes, which is very important to have a wealthy and happy life. On the other hand, with a stable life, people will be able to pursue their other dreams such as travelling around the world - just like me.

Thirdly, I personally think there are people who attend universities because of their family wishes. For example, I have a cousin. She is very intelligent and loves biology. Her wish is that she could be an excellent doctor to help other people. However, she studies accounting because her parents think it is a better job for girls.

Hi Lian :-) Please let me offer some suggestions on how to further strengthen your discussion. I will also offer some revisions when necessary :-)


- This is a very good introductory statement. However, the clarity is somewhat missing. So I will try to restate this for you just to show you how it can be done better: " Almost every high school student across the world dreams of attending a college or university. Whether it be a local or international institution of higher academic learning, the point is that students want to attend higher learning institutions because of the life altering experience that the college or university studies offer. There quite a number of reasons that students want to attend college or university, and I will be discussing more of those in this paper."


- Good reason. But it can be stated differently. Try this " People are curious by nature. Therefore, they want to learn about their world and their specific interests. College education can help them achieve that. College offers them a more focused learning experience when compared to high school studies. Therefore, people are more eager to attend college." There is actually more room for discussion so I suggest you further develop this statement.


- "People look at college as a key towards unlocking their future. Without the guidance of their parents, college will be first time some students will be in complete charge of their lives and education. Therefore, they learn more from the academic and campus community that they become a part of. Once completed, the world becomes a very big place where one cannot be held back from achieving their dreams. College gives people that kind of confidence."


- This paragraph does not relate to any of your previous reasons. This is actually a different essay prompt. So you should delete this statement in your next version.

By the way, you lack a proper conclusion with which to close your discussion. I suggest you develop a strong one that will drive your point home :-)

:-) Thank you Vangiespen. You have helped me a lot. Thank you.

And because I wrote my essays with time countdown in 30 minutes ( because TOEFL requires limit time) and I usually lack time at the end so I don't have time left for conclusions. However, I am trying to write faster so I can have time for strong conclusions. Thank you.