Please help me with this essay, somehow I feel my word choice is not advanced enough for college level. Thanks
Prompt: Many childhood experiences leave lifelong impressions on people. Write an essay in which you describe a memorable childhood experience and explain its effect on your life.
Response:
Often that childhood experiences affect greatly to people's thinking and to the way they behave in their adulthoods. Although I had faced an extremely difficult time when I was young, I have perceived many positive aspects of life from my experience when I grow up. My ancestors were anchored in a small village in Vietnam. My grandparents gave birth to ten children. One lost in the war, and some died of illness mistreatment. Before my mother turned twenty, illness had pulled her parents to their graves, leaving her five younger siblings to take care of. Two years later, my mother married a young lieutenant, my father, and this generous man helped to support her brother and sisters. However, fortunate star didn't smile to my mother for so long. A crisis came along when the communist took over the South Vietnam, forced my father to the reeducated camp site, leaving my misfortunate mother four months pregnant with me.
Our living condition was hard after the event. My mother, uncle, aunts, and I had to live in a hut without electricity or running water. We had only one bamboo bed for my younger aunts and I, and the others had to sleep in a mat on the floor. None of my aunts and uncle could afford for high school's tuition, and they were forced to labor at their teens. I still remember vividly our hut's roof, made by palm and coconut leaves that would be needed to replace before each raining season. How I could forget waking up at night when the water dropped on my face because of the leaking on the roof. Money was not plenty in our home, and we often had to fear what tomorrow might bring. Playing doll and electric toys were not existed. I could only dare to dream about having a big feast tomorrow.
Living in poverty during my childhood had taught me well to value for what I have. While other people complain life in the U.S is so tough and stressed, I am always grateful to be given a chance working on a risk-free environment and having health insurance coverage, as well as having other benefits. Best of all, I am working in teaching career, which is my best interest. Yet, I am not earning plenty from my job but satisfying with my daily occurrence.
In addition to my childhood life, I am fortunate to have a dedicated mother, who had worked deadly in the rice field in order to get me a proper education, and who constantly reminded me how education is important to one's life. Her words have always traveled with me, "hard working and education are the core of success." Despite the fact that I had only two years of high school and couldn't understand English in first year, I graduated high school with honor and achieved my four-year degree. I accomplished my goals not because I was a super smart or talented person, but because I strived hard to succeed and did my best.
Whenever I meet my obstacles in life, and I am tempted to withdraw, I try to remember my old days. Those days remind me of how fortunate of my current life and also of many children in the world who live in poor condition and work in risk zone.
could afford for to high school's
the way they behave in their adulthoods[/quote]
Hi my friend,
I like your essay so much! It is so impressive. I am feel sorry about your old days, that was so heart-breaking. But you are
a man of iron, and acheive your success.
You essay is very good, I cannot find more mistakes.
Often, childhood experiences affect people's thinking and the way they behave in adulthood. ---I made many changes here.
Although I had faced an extremely difficult time when I was young, I have perceived many ...
However, fortunate stars didn't ...
... communist took over the South Vietnam, forcing my father to the reeducation camp site, leaving my misfortunate mother alone and four-months pregnant with me.
I still remember vividly our hut's roof, made by palm and coconut leaves that would be needed to replace before each raining season.---Excellent description here.
How I could forget waking up at night when the water dropped on my face because of the leaking on the roof. ---use a question mark here. ?
Money was not plenty in our home, and we often had to fear what tomorrow might bring. Playing with dolls and electric toys were not existed was not a reality for me, because they did not exist at my home.
Yet , I am not earning plenty from my job, but I am satisfied with my daily experience. occurrence .
Very good! Your writing is better than you think it is! And you have had a fascinating life, Kathy...
