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The frequency of people in the USA consumed in fast food eateries - Ielts cambridge 12 task 1 test 5


mamemai 1 / 1  
Apr 24, 2019   #1

dining in fast food restaurants



The bar chart gives information about the frequency of people in the USA consumed in fast food eatery from 2003 to 2013

Overall, People in the states frequently ate in fast food restaurant once a week both in the year 2003 and 2006, whereas people ate in fast food restaurant mostly once or twice a month in the year 2013.

The peak percentages of people in states frequently dined in fast food restaurant once a week were above 30% in 2013 and rose up to approximately about 33% in 20106. Then rapidly experienced a downward trend in 2013, which was about 27%. In the meantime the highest percentages of eating at fast food establishment once or twice a month were also approximately about 35%, when the rate accounted for exactly 30% and 25% in 2013 and 2006 respectively.

On the other hand, the lowest proportions of frequency of people in the USA consumed in the fast food eatery over ten-year period indicated nearly 5% in 2013 and remained steady around 3% from 2006 to 2013, which were the rate of eating at the fast food eatery daily.

hhching126 2 / 4 3  
Apr 24, 2019   #2
Hi!

I also happened to practice this same title before and followings are my humble opinions:

1. The second paragraph could also be written as below to decrease the repetition.
whereas the frequency of major consumers rose to once or twice a month in the year 2013.

2. I don't think plural is needed for superlative
such as highest percentages and lowest proportions

Last but not least, I like how you addressed this article with various vocabularies!

Good luck!
OP mamemai 1 / 1  
Apr 24, 2019   #3
Thank you so much! Your opinion helps me to improve a lot :)
Maria - / 1,100 389  
Apr 24, 2019   #4
Firstly, I would suggest switching up your usage of verbs/words to have more appropriate content.

Let's take a look at your first sentence; I would revise this as:
The bar chart contains information on the frequency of fast food consumption in the United States from 2003 to 2013.

I have done a couple of key things here. Firstly, I changed gives to contains because it is has a more appropriate meaning that is related to your succeeding interpretations of the text. Secondly, I also made certain that there is more clarity with what you want the readers to know. The chart contains information on the frequency of fast food consumption; I find that this formatting enables you to optimize your word count more because you do not need to mention that it is an eatery. Knowing how to merge your details together will be pivotal when you are working with word counts.

Moreover, I suggest that you merge the hanging second line into the first line that you already have in order to create a more comprehensive introduction text. I also recommend that you look at your usage of articles (the, a, an) when you are articulating (ie. it should be people in the states frequently ate in a fast food restaurant - not unless you want to make it plural making it ate in fast food restaurants).

You had decent transitions between your sentences in the third paragraph. I would only suggest that you try to minimize these transition words (ie. it's unnecessary for you to include one in every sentence; organically shifting from one part to another can still be achieved).

Just keep these in mind. Best of luck!


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