There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Nowadays, the kinds of music differs a lot worldwide. This essay will give an answer on why we are in need of music, and whether the historical, longstanding music of a state is more relevant than the cosmopolitan music that is played everywhere these days.
We need music, because it makes us feel good and is healthy. The majority of people likes music because it provides them the necessary emotion that corresponds with their own. For example, If persons want to have a party they will choose positive, uplifting tunes with a fast beat to strengthen their already existing sentiment. Furthermore, music affects our health positively as it helps us to stay sound and avoid diseases.For instance, a study from Loyala University in Chicago found that retired orchestra musicians are less likely to develop dementia, because of the favourable impact making music had on their brains.
Traditional music is not more important than international music, because we live in a globalised world, and this has an influence on every part of our lives nowadays. Ancestral music is often restricted to certain simple intruments with a limited tonal range, and the variety of rhythm patterns and composition techniques is noticeably reduced. For example, Thailand's traditional music is performed on four - strings lutes respectively three - strings zithers, but it lost its predominate position in the 1930s to jazz music, which mirrors the huge impact this new music had on the world.
In conclusion, music is of great help in terms of staying healthy and balanced. But it does not necessarily has to be traditional music, because modern music plays a more important role in times of globalisation. Although the quality of the music we can hear everywhere worldwide is many times not good, musicians nowadays have a wide selection to fuel their creativity.
Hi. Here is my opinion
I can see thay you have made an attempt to paraphrase in the introduction, which is a good thing. however, I think traditional music is not the same as historical music. I mean, traditional music seems to convey the characteristics of one country, which is opposite to interational music, while historical music is just about the past. Maybe folk music is a better word. However, it is just my opinion.
longstanding music of a statecountry or region (not every country has a state, you know ;) but they still have their own music)
longstanding music of a state is more relevantessential / necessary than the cosmopolitan music that is played everywhere these days.
because it makes us feel good and is healthyimprove our health
The majority of people (plural N)likeslike music because it provides them the necessary emotion that corresponds with their ow
persons Persons (plural) is a very formal word. We only use it in rather legalistic contexts (according to a dictionary) so the word peoplemight be better.
because of the favourable impact making music had on their brains
hope it helps
Hi Minh.
When you make corrections, make sure they are correct. Otherwise they don't make sense.
1. Yes, I was struggling to find a synonym for "traditional" and couldn't find a perfect one.
2. Every country is also a state.
3. I think relevant is a good synonym for important.
4. Majority is both singular and plural. So the majority likes is correct.
5. An essay is supposed to be very formal. So the use of persons instead of people makes sense to me.
6. Musicians make music.
The first sentence should be:
Nowadays, the kinds of music differ a lot worldwide.
Conclusion:
But it does not necessarily have to be traditional music,
Hi. First of all, thank you for reading my feedback and paying enough attention to correct some mistakes.
As for the 'state' I have to admit that you are right about that. Nobody is infallible and I am constantly trying to improve my english.:)
As for the word 'relevant' or essential. You are the one to understand your essay the most, and decide which is suitable for it. However, let me keep my opinion. Maybe I'll spare it for my own essay.
I am really surprised why you think all of it does not make any sense. I think it is significant to me, at least, as I find it fun to read your essay and to learn from it, and try to help you to the best of my ability. We exchange information and learn from each other, this is the point. After every essay I read and give feedback, I learn a little bit and widen my horizon a little bit. It is worthwhile, its'n it?
Anyway, I will try to improve the way I write feedbacks, maybe I will have to use dictionaries more.
Thanks anyway and let's learn together.
