Some people believe that unemployed people should be made to work for their welfare/benefit payments. Others, however, see this as cheap labour.
Discuss the possible advantages and disadvantages of making unemployed people take any job. Do you believe it is a good idea?
In recent years, having a job might be an essential activity for getting better life. As such, some people believe that unemployed people should have a work for their welfare payments which are needed in life. Others think that it is consequences being as a cheap labour. Therefore, I personally argue that although this trend has merits and demerits, I strongly believe that making unemployed people work is a good idea for better life in society.
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Hi! My edits and suggestions are below,
In recent years, having a job might ( have been) an essential activity for getting better life. As such, some people believe that unemployed people should have a (to)work for their welfare payments which are needed in life. Others think that ( the consequences could be) cheap labour. Therefore, I personally argue that although this trend has merits and demerits, I strongly believe that making unemployed people work is a good idea for better life in society. < Good last sentence:)
A ( The) positive effect of widespread job vacancies can reduce the rising of jobless rate. A research of Bureau Statistic US showed approximately 6.3 % people in Asian(? countries?) tend to get a job(s) randomly, besides it ( the) had low salaries. These civilian labours force participation rate were little changed at 1.3 % joblessness rate in 2014. As it can be seen, job opportunities which are provided by several companies as soon as possible( is a) way to avoid the big problem in citizens affect the countries popularity of International views.
In addition, providing a career opportunity has ( can have a) significant influence to give more nation(s) income and declining( decline) the number of poverty rate. The ( In the) Supplemental Poverty Measure in 2014, there is(an) existed correlation between the number of labour and the rising of national profits as implementation of income taxes. As a result, it should be paid more attention ( should be paid) by government where there is a positive and important effect for countries.
However, not only of ( while) opening wider job vacancies gives benefits, but it has its drawbacks too. First, some people have focused attention on companies without develop(ing) their natural skill(s) in(a) new occupation. For example, an artist( for example,) is possible (can possibly) to run (their) own business (by) using their skills, but they just have limited planning to work in companies. Secondly , most of cheap labour will get living in limitation accordance with less salary. For instance, a cheap labour earns Rp 30.000,- per day just enough to spend for cheapest food. Therefore, giving job opportunities despite less salary is (may)not always to be(an) effective methods .
I would argue that apart from the negative effects of this trend, actually it is (can be)beneficial for most people. Employment and crime rates have a complex relationship due to people choose( choosing) crime rather than legitimate work as an expectation to make more money fulfilling necessity. Overall, this trend has(a) correlation to pressure crimes rate, where the main factor of crimes are provided by the higher number of poverty life.
The aforementioned evidence, although this trend has merits and demerits, it is possible as a good way for government to pressure the increasing of crimes rate. Where possible, government should pay more attention to support this solution.( <Please add more sentences to your last paragraph:))
Hello, you have a strong point and some good vocabulary, I would just suggest you practice on your -ing words and some verb tenses. I have given you suggestions above to make your essay an smoother read. Good luck on your revisions!