Hello, how are you? I had to write a essay about the novel The Great Gatsby written by F.Scott Fitzgerald. Everything in the novel is seen in two ways: on the one hand as glamorous, romantic and exciting and on the other as crude, corrupt or even disgusting. this double vision applies to people, places and events.
The essay must:
-Be unified--body paragraphs must be effectively linked and logical--introduction presents general statement about two perspectives---conclusion summarizes or draws together main pains including a statement about the signifance.
-almost no spelling or grammar errors
-identifies more than three examples of people, places and events being viewed in different or opposing ways.
-explains the double perspective and supports the explanation with relevant examples; discusses the extent to which the narrator (Nick) is in and not in Gatsby's world.
I mainly need help with my grammar, and the order of my paragraphs (effectively linked). I also want to know if the essay is understandable and organized...anything will help. Thanks soo much!!
hello...i talked to my teacher, and he read my essay, this is what he said,:
1)You've used an amazing amount of facts in this paper - too many. It's overwhelming. And I feel that you could shorten this quite a bit.
2)You've made countless references to the text. But after awhile I started to lose track of what the point was - as to why you were telling me all this.
3)ntroduction clearly presents thesis or topic. Body paragraphs are unified and logically ordered, one for each supporting point. Conclusion summarizes main points and provides closure.Your writing style is getting lost - buried underneath the volume of facts. I think you could cut this in half.
4)Essay minimally follows format prescribed in assignment or MLA. Spelling and/or grammar errors distract the reader.
This was his comment: You've done an unbelievable amount of research. But now you need to take the time to edit your work. Reduce the length by about half. And don't repeat any ideas or concepts. Put as much emphasis on your writing style as you have on your research. Facts alone don't constitute an essay. Communicate a concrete message. Write this as if you were actually trying to say something to someone.
I was wondering if you could help me out, what do you think i did too take out? And just how to make it overall better...THANKS
Greetings!
You've been working very hard and are improving it each time. As for the part in bold, I think I prefer the quotation you used originally. Here are some other editing notes:
through two completely distinguished perspectives during the twentieth century. - Look up the word "distinguished." I think you actually meant "distinct."
It becomes [omit "the"] obvious that the American Dream is no longer about the pursuit of happiness
However, his participation in arranging Gatsby and Daisy to meet up is considerably, "corrupted," due to Daisy being married, which implies he may lack "morals". - I'm not sure why you put these terms in quotation marks. You are not using them in a way which is different from their normal meaning, nor does it seem to be sarcasm, so you don't need to.
he forms a passionate relationship with Jordan, making his character too romantic. - Did you mean "making his character also a romantic one"? Or is he actually too romantic for his own good?
Daisy's and Gatsby's reunion, Gatsby's glamorous party, confrontation between Tom and Gatsby, the death of Myrtle, and the death of Gatsby, as well as Daisy abandoning Gatsby's love at the end, can all be perceived as being "exciting, romantic and glamorous," or "disgusting, crude and corrupted." Lastly, the East Egg is demonstrated as conservative and graceful, whereas the West Egg represents moral decay and social cynicism, yet equally, the East Egg and the West Egg depict glamour, romance and excitement, as well as corruption, disgust and crudeness. - There must be some other way you could say this, rather than using the same terms over and over. See if you can find some synonyms with an online thesaurus.
his prime motivation behind his acquisition of immense wealth through criminal activity
Even though Gatsby may have a used besmirched scheme to reach prosperity, his prime motivation behind his acquisition of immense through criminal activity, was to acquire a prosperous lifestyle to impress Daisy, so he could be triumphant in gaining her love back, which can be witnessed by him having a party to astound Daisy, but he becomes disturbed when he suggests she had an unpleasant time - This sentence is too long and rather repetitive of things you've said elsewhere.
Affluent men like Tom Buchanan preached, "Civilization is going to pieces" (18). "The idea is if we don't look out the white race will be- will be utterly submerged. It's all scientific stuff; it's been proved" (17). Not only was Tom physically and emotionally abusive to Daisy and Myrtle, but he too obtained prejudices towards other races, since be believed in white supremacy: It's up to us, who are the dominant race [whites], to watch out or these other races will have control of things" - There's no need to say what is essentially the same thing three different ways. Let the quotes speak for themselves.
'Angry... half in love... tremendously sorry. I turned away.' (pg.169). Nick may have been indecisive about his love with Jordan, but really being "angry," "half in love" and tremendously sorry, are all traits of real passion. - Again, you are repeating. Show your understanding of the idea behind the quotation by paraphrasing or using new terms to describe it: "Nick may have been indecisive about his love for Jordan, but the traits he demonstrates are ones of real passion."
You still have quite a few typos. For instance "Gatsby's tries"; go through it very carefully to find them all.
Best of luck in your studies!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Hello Sarah, I still need help on this essay. I'm having such a hard time showing my understanding of the idea behind the quotation by paraphasing or using new terms. I was wondering if you could help me in paraphasing, with the bolded parts.
I was also wondering if you could tell me what a typo is?
Also if my introduction and conclusion embody whats expected to achieve a level four?Thanks so much. Hopefully with this information, it can help me to form a better essay.
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Greetings!
"Typo" stands for "typographical error." It just means you made a mistake in typing. :-) For instance here, you have the same phrase twice:
In an altercation In an altercation amongst Tom and Gatsby over Daisy, - Also, "amongst" really only is applicable to groups of three or more. You should say "between Tom and Gatsby."
You're still being too repetitive. This, for example, basically just restates what immediately preceded it: This statement said by Nick proves that Gatsby was not born into wealth, since Nick uses "shiftless" to describe his parents, which means "unsuccessful" and, "good-for-nothing." Therefore, in his mind he constructed a new "Jay Gatsby," who was flourishing and fortunate, in an attempt to bring him closer to Daisy, considering she respects the rich, but ignores the needs of the poor: - You could really just eliminate this.
for she was the sole focus of his belief in the "orgastic future" (171).--- Ask sarah if I should explain - No, it's self-explanatory. :-)
This is just repetition; take it out: In addition, Gatsby's character reflects the "double vision" trend, since his character is two sided: One being that he is romantic, and the other being corrupted, for he is keen to exercise deception or dishonestly to obtain her adoration.
Her comment implies that a girl can have more enjoyment in life if she is beautiful and simplistic. This proves that her mentality is flawed, which explains why she chooses Tom over Gatsby, in terms of love. - This is okay, as far as not being repetitive, but the second sentence is rather awkward. You don't need to constantly be saying "this proves..." Something like this: Daisy reveals the flawed thinking that caused her to choose Tom's money over Gatsby's love.
I don't understand the point of this: Nick describes her as being a "careless person," who denotes she is uncaring and an inconsiderate individual. He also states, "Her voice is full of money," which clearly highlights, she is materialistic and greedy, "with an inexhaustible charm," that connotes, even though she was "money-oriented," she had an endless attraction, hindering her greediness. - This is almost an exact repetition of what you just said. And when you do say it the first time, rather than He also states, "Her voice is full of money..., you should show your analysis of what Nick said, rather than just saying that he "stated" it. For instance, "He showed his contempt of everything Daisy stood for when he said, 'Her voice is full of money...'" [But please note, I don't know whether that is an accurate statement; I haven't analyzed the book as you have. If it's not an appropriate characterization of what Nick meant, say it another way.]
You should remove this repetition: Tom believes it is justifiable for him to commit adultery, but sees Daisy cheating on him, as the ultimate betrayal, and dishonesty, since his values stem from traditional beliefs that he should be allowed to have more than one woman, yet Daisy must be obedient, and remain faithful.
This just looks like a restatement of what you just described: "This evidence proves that this episode embodied romance, since Daisy, and especially Gatsby showed traits of love simply because they share something special for one another, which could be demonstrated by their intense emotions." What about instead saying that Gatsby and Daisy were so wrapped up in their intense emotions and doing what pleased them that they were oblivious to their own selfishness?
Your paper appears to be about 18 pages long, and there is a limit to how much editing we can provide on this free site, but I'll give you a few more comments on your next post.
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
thanks sarah...i fixed the first half, now i was wondering if you can help me with teh second half.
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Greetings!
This is not too repetitive, but would be better without the rhetorical question "does someone in love break into tears...?" Put it in the form of a statement.: Daisy's response to Gatsby's wealth, especially the shirts were quite eccentric-does someone in love break into tears upon being shown an assortment of shirts? For Daisy (and Gatsby too, for that matter) the shirts represent wealth and means. When Daisy bows her head and sobs into the shirts, she is displaying her interest in materialism. She does not cry because she has been reunited with Gatsby, she cries because of the pure satisfaction all his material wealth brings her, making this event also "crude," since Daisy was considerably, in love with Gatsby's offerings more than his heart.
him and Daisy have something "remember able," - It should be "he and Daisy"; does it really say "remember able" in the book? Are you sure it's not "memorable"?
This juxtaposition highlights the West Egg was less fashionable than the East Egg, since it lacks refinement. ---Is this needed? - NO, definitely not. And you use "white castles" or "white palaces" four times in that one paragraph. One would be plenty!
Make sure your last sentence, which will perhaps make the most impact on the reader, does not contain grammatical errors or awkward construction: The novel portrays East Egg as being ultimately graceful, yet it was Tom and Daisy who lived for riches, while Gatsby, who was from West Egg, lived for enduring love.
Best of luck in your studies!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
oh thanks soooo much
Hey sarah...i fixed up this essay, i cut it from 5000-3400. I was wondering if you could help me with my sentence construction. Can you help me with my awkward sentences, and grammar.
Can you also help me with the bolded areas...i fixed up my intro and conclusion, can you also tell me if its okay?
Thanks sooo much
Greetings!
You're working very hard on this! Let's see if we can make it even better. I would smooth out your first bolded part like this:
The lives of the characters within the story are glamorous, romantic and exciting, but also crude, corrupted and disgusting. This contrast, or double vision, permeates the personalities of the characters, the events that transpire and the places within the story.
In relation to the double vision, it is clear that Gatsby resorted to criminal activity; in order to obtain the level of wealth he felt he needed, in order to attract Daisy. - This is a bit awkward; I might rewrite it like this: The dark side of Gatsby's dual persona allows him to resort to criminal activity as a means of attaining the wealth he needs to attract Daisy's attention.
Daisy was considerably, in love with Gatsby's offerings more than his heart. - This would be better as "Daisy was considerably more in love with Gatsby's offerings than his heart."
The death "was" tragic yet it also served to reveal that Gatsby had many fine qualities and that he had a loyal and dedicated friend in Nick. - I'm not sure why "was" is in quotes here; it doesn't need to be.
The paragraph about East Egg and West Egg makes sense and is fine until you get to here: His statement demonstrates that even though the East Egg was, and superior glamorous, it was the West Egg that compared to his "fantastic dreams." - Aside from being ungrammatical, it is just a restatement of what came before. It seems superfluous to me.
In chapter eight it explains that Gatsby had won Daisy's heart, and that they extremely connected before Gatsby left to fight in the war. They had established a romantic bond, which could be witnessed by their intimacy and their passionate actions: - I would rewrite it something like this: By chapter eight, Gatsby had won Daisy's heart. Their intimacy and passion forged a romantic bond which connected them closely together before Gatsby left to fight in the war."
To link the following paragraph to the one which precedes it, you could bring out the similarities, i.e., that they both concern "place."
Just as West Egg and East Egg are divided by their contrasting natures, Louisville also obtains contrasting characteristics, since it is romantic, as the place where Gatsby first met Daisy, yet it is also corrupt because Louisville imprisons Gatsby's dreams. He has a difficult time letting go of the past: " He came back from France when Tom and Daisy were still on their wedding trip, and made a miserable but irresistible journey to Louisville on the last of his army pay...revisiting the out-of-the-way places to which they had driven in her white car. Just as Daisy's house had always seemed to him more mysterious and gay than other houses, so his idea of the city itself, even though she was gone from it, was pervaded with a melancholy beauty" (145). This quotation clearly establishes that Gatsby's dream is imprisoned in Louisville. "So his idea of the city itself, even though she was gone from it, was pervaded with a melancholy beauty." [I'd eliminate the rest of the paragraph, as it just repeats what came before.]
In The Great Gatsby, written by F. Scott Fitzgerald, the actions of the characters, setting of the places, and context of the events, it proves that the American Dream is no longer about the pursuit of complete happiness, but the pursuit of wealth. - This is ungrammatical; you can't say "In the Great Gatsby ... it proves ..." And again, since this is about literature instead of science, I don't think "proves" is really appropriate. You could say: "F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby reveals the dark underbelly of the American dream, where the pursuit of happiness is warped and twisted into the corrupt pursuit of wealth."
Good job!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
hey sarah i was wondering what would be another way to say "double vision"?
thanks
Greetings!
That's a good question, because the actual meaning of "double vision" usually is that a person's vision is blurred by seeing two of everything. It might be better to use another term, at least most of the time. You could say "dual concept" or "dual personality" or refer to it as "two-sided" or "black versus white" or "contrasting nature." You might also check a thesaurus using some of those terms to see if you can find more.
I hope this helps!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Thanks so much you have tremendously helped me out. I still need a little more help though.
Even though Nick is shown to be capable of morally corrupt acts, he is still capable of forming a romantic relationship with Jordan. --Is there a way i could say this without saying capable twice?
Thank you so much!!!
Greetings!
I'm happy to help!
--Is there a way i could say this without saying capable twice? - Yes!
Even though Nick is shown to be capable of morally corrupt acts, he is still able to form a romantic relationship with Jordan.
There are many ways to say it; here's one:
The duality theme--exciting/disgusting, romantic/crude, and glamorous/corrupted--can be seen throughout the major events of the book: Daisy and Gatsby's reunion, Gatsby's glamorous party, the confrontation between Tom and Gatsby, the death of Myrtle, and the death of Gatsby.
You should rewrite this statement: "This statement said by Nick proves that Gatsby constructed a fictional dream. " I might put it something like "Nick shows his understanding of how Gatsby created his fictional dream."
Yes, by all means, remove "proof"! :-) Tom shows that he is capable of love, since he also shares an intimate moment with Daisy at the end of the story, during a conversation at their dinner table, after the death of Myrtle: "There was an unmistakable natural intimacy about the picture, and anybody would have said that they were conspiring together" (138). The use of the word "conspiring" carries with it an implication of wrongdoing, which hangs over Tom and Daisy, even in their moment of shared emotion. [I'm not as familiar as you with the text, so change this if it is inaccurate.]
Even though Nick to a certain a extent was in Gatsby's world, he contained dignity, ---is there another way i could say "certain extent." - You could say "Even though Nick, to a degree..." or "existed in..."
After the rain stopped, Gatsby took Daisy and Nick over to his house. This is where Daisy's desire for materialistic merchandise becomes visable. - Definitely better! :-))
This is a key event demonstrated as a double vision, since it is exciting, yet it clearly establishes how crude Daisy is, even though she portrays herself as refined. Rather than stopping to help Myrtle, after running over her, Daisy continues to drive. - This is less awkward.
I'd shorten the following like this:
Daisy is unable to adjust to the liveliness and atmosphere of West Egg. Whereas she had come from the East and departed West, she is incapable of enjoying herself or coping with this crowd of individuals. She is acclimated to the laid back and peaceful scenery of those "white castles" at the East Egg, in contrast to "the less fashionable of the two," as Nick called
the West Egg.
Here's the last one, shortened:
There are two sides to New York as well. Jordan says she loves New York "on summer afternoons when everyone's away." Even though New York City contains criminal activity, Jordan describes it as "very sensuous ... over-ripe, as if all sorts of funny fruits were going to fall into your hands" (119). However, she uses "over-ripe" to express that it was decaying, that in New York everything was gradually falling apart, due to its newly rich denizens who lacked sophistication.
You're almost to the finish line with this one! Keep up the good work!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
I have a few more questions:
i tried looking for other ways too say romantic, and glamorous, but i cant find any, only alluring and passionate. could you help me find other ways to say romantic and glamorous.
Also are the order of these paragraphs okay...how can I link them all together in this section.
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one good and one not so good-is there anyway to say this?.
Once again thank you sooo much!
I just posted a few questions above but i forgot to add these ones, regarding my conclusion:
1) F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby reveals the dark underbelly of the American dream, where the pursuit of happiness is warped and twisted into the corrupt pursuit of wealth. The major situations within the story are glamorous, romantic and exciting, but also crude, corrupted and disgusting. The lives of the characters, main occurrences and the setting of the story were portrayed as a double vision...---Could you help me connect this two sentences together
2) The bolded parts are the ones i need help with:
Gatsby's persona was influenced by corruption, since he results to crime to acquire prosperity. However, his wrongful actions are simply to receive Daisy's love. On the other hand, Daisy appears angelic, due to her romantic and glamorous attributes deriving form her relationship with Gatsby. But her character displays offensive actions, due to her flawed opinions regarding femininity, and abandoning Gatsby's love.
How can reword this?
3) Tom's character also obtains a contrasting personality. He's a male chauvinist, who believes in white supremacy. Howevert he acquires an alluring lifestyle. --Is there another way to say this?
Even though his actions demean women, he has an intimate relationship with Daisy and Myrtle.By participating in arranging Daisy and Gatsby's affair. Nick's character embodies corruption. However his morally wrong actions stand in opposition to romantic affair with Jordan. In contrast, Nick engages in Gatsby's word to a degree, but he was able to see the truth, while Gatsby was blinded by his dream. -- can you help me withe bolded part? Also does the overall statement make sense?
Also should the incontrast part for Nick and Gatsby go before, By participating...?
4)The events in the novel were also a representation of a double vision, since they could be seen into entirely distinguished ways. Daisy and Gatsby's reunion, the confrontation between Tom and Gatsby, and the death of Myrtle and Gatsby, could also be perceived as glamorous, romantic and exiting or disgusting, crude and corrupted. --- Is this statement okay? Also does it have grammar or spelling errors?
5)The dual concept was also demonstrated in the places within the story. The West Egg embodied ethical decay, but it obtained loyalty, whereas the East Egg was rather graceful, but it possessed crudeness. New York City and Louisville also displayed contrasting natures. Even though New York City was encountering social disparagement. It was luxurious.. In opposition, Louisville encompassed romance, but dissolutely trapped Gatsby's dream --Could you help me organize this paragraph better?
6) Also should i end the conclusion with: The Great Gatsby was a novel that protested the need of love over the need of money. Gatsby and Nick were the only two characters that took notice to the crucial values in life, being enduring love and happiness, yet their motivation for complete happiness, was destroyed by Daisy's and Tom's determination for attaining perpetual wealth. The novel portrays the East Egg as being ultimately graceful, yet it was Tom and Daisy who lived for riches, while Gatsby, lived for enduring love.
Thanks, after this i will be closer to done.
i tried looking for other ways too say romantic, and glamorous, but i cant find any, only alluring and passionate. could you help me find other ways to say romantic and glamorous.
one good and one not so good-is there anyway to say this?.
Greetings!
Did you try using an online thesaurus? Some synonyms or near-synonyms include sentimental, adventurous, amorous, colorful, dreamy, enchanting, erotic, exciting, exotic, fairy-tale, fanciful, fantastic, fascinating, glamorous, idyllic, loving, picturesque, poetic, quixotic, starry-eyed, tender, utopian, visionary, whimsical, and wild.
one good and one not so good - it would depend on the context; can you give me the whole sentence?
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
The wealthy socialites in The Great Gatsby can be seen in two different lights - one good and one not so good
Is this a good ending: The Great Gatsby portrays Daisy as being ultimately graceful, yet it was her who lived for riches, while Gatsby lived for enduring love. Fitzgerald clearly established that in choosing wealth over live; all chance at real happiness will be lost.
thanks
Greetings!
How about "The wealthy socialites in The Great Gatsby can be seen in two different lights - one positive and luminous, and one negative and dark."
I like what you are saying in this last statement, but the grammar needs a bit of help:
The Great Gatsby ultimately portrays Daisy as being graceful, yet it was she who lived for riches, while Gatsby lived for enduring love. Fitzgerald clearly established that in choosing wealth over love, all chance at real happiness will be lost.
Good job!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
These will be the last questions i need for this essay...its 98% done
This is for the intro
1) New York city is also two-dimensional. It embodies glamour, but it too possesses corruption. Louisville also obtains contrasting characteristics, since its romantic, due to it being where Gatsby first met Daisy, yet its corrupted since Louisville imprisons Gatsby's dreams. -How can I connect the two sentences.
2) Tom shows that he is capable of love, since he also shares an intimate moment with Daisy at the end of the story, during a conversation at their dinner table, after the death of Myrtle: "There was an unmistakeable natural intimacy about the picture, and anybody would have said that they were conspiring together" (138). The use of the word "conspiring" carries with it an implication of wrongdoing, which hangs over Tom and Daisy, even in their moment of shared emotion---Does this go with my argument, that tom was capable of love?
3) This is for the conclusion, i had to restate everything in the intro, in a different way:
The events in the novel were also a representation of a double vision, since they could be seen in two entirely distinguishable ways. Daisy and Gatsby's reunion, the confrontation between Tom and Gatsby, and the deaths of Myrtle and Gatsby, could also be perceived as fascinating, loving and exhilarating, while at the same time being repulsive, crude and besmirched. Places, such as the West Egg and the East also demonstrate a dual concept. Along with New York and Louisville that encompass glamour and romance, opposed to corruption. ---Is this okay
4) this is for my last argument. i added in New york. Are the order of these paragraphs effectively linked?
It can be argued that in The Great Gatsby, places such as the West Egg and the East Egg are too a representation of a "double vision." In chapter six, Daisy is disgusted by the atmosphere of the West Egg: "She was appalled by West Egg...by its raw vigor that chafed...and by the too obtrusive fate that herded its inhabitants along a short-cut from nothing to nothing. She saw something awful in the very simplicity she failed to understand" (108). Daisy is unable to adjust to the liveliness and atmosphere of West Egg. Whereas she had come from the East and departed West, she is incapable of enjoying herself or coping with this crowd of individuals. She is acclimated to the laid back and peaceful scenery of those "white castles" at the East Egg, in contrast to "the less fashionable of the two," as Nick called the West Egg. (10). In addition, Nick in the end states: "Even when the East excited me most, even when I was most keenly aware of its superiority to the bored, sprawling, swollen towns beyond the Ohio, with their interminable inquisitions which spared only the children and the over old---even then it had always for me a quality of distortion. West Egg, especially, still figures in my more fantastic dreams"(167).
There are two sides to New York as well. Jordan says she loves New York "on summer afternoons when everyone's away." Even though New York City contains criminal activity, Jordan describes it as "very sensuous ... over-ripe, as if all sorts of funny fruits were going to fall into your hands" (119). However, she uses "over-ripe" to express that it was decaying, that in New York everything was gradually falling apart, due to its newly rich denizens who lacked sophistication.
Just as West Egg and East Egg are divided by their contrasting natures, Louisville also obtains contrasting characteristics. It is romantic, as the place where Gatsby first met Daisy, yet it is also corrupt because Louisville imprisons Gatsby's dreams. He has a difficult time letting go of the past: " He came back from France when Tom and Daisy were still on their wedding trip, and made a miserable but irresistible journey to Louisville on the last of his army pay...revisiting the out-of-the-way places to which they had driven in her white car. Just as Daisy's house had always seemed to him more mysterious and gay than other houses, so his idea of the city itself, even though she was gone from it, was pervaded with a melancholy beauty" (145).
Thanks sooo much for everything. You have been some an amazing help. You really helped me with this essay.
Greetings!
Your hard work is almost finished, then, great!
1) New York city is also two-dimensional. It embodies glamour, but it too possesses corruption. Similarly, Louisville contains contrasting characteristics: it is romantic, because it is where Gatsby first met Daisy, yet it is corrupted, since Louisville imprisons Gatsby's dreams.
2) I would add one word, which will show the flip side of Tom's love: Yet, the use of the word "conspiring" carries with it an implication of wrongdoing, which hangs over Tom and Daisy, even in their moment of shared emotion.
3) It just needs a llittle tweaking: Places, such as the West Egg and the East, also demonstrate a dual concept. Along with New York and Louisville they encompass glamour and romance, but encompass its opposite, corruption, as well.
4) Yes, I think you did a fantastic job of linking them together!
I'm so glad I could help! Best of luck in your studies!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
