Does having a lot of options make people happy?

This was an essay homework,my teacher gave me more marks on it than (common sense),eventhough i did not like what I wrote about Does having alot of ...Please rate it,is it good for a tenth grader????????

Does Having a lot of options make people happy?

Does having a lot of options make people happy? Now that's what I call a good question? It would be hard to me to answer it! But it actually depends on the type of people. Some enjoy a variety of options , the others just don't. I met three people , Krystal, Beth, and Elizabeth, and each one will answer the readers question in three different ways!

Krystal told me that there is nothing better than options, that is why she prefers to go to the supermarket rather than a minimarket, because she would have more variety . Seeing new stuff makes her not bored.

Beth told me that it just drives her crazy. Everytime she goes to a café with her friends, she freaks out, what should she drink, and if she for example decided to drink coffee ,which kind should she buy? There is Expresso ,Turkish coffee, and so on. That's why she likes to go to a place were they only sell one type of whatever.

Elizabeth doesn't even think about it, but she thinks it is good to have some variety so people (from slums to business men) will be able to get their needs with suitable prices.

Does options make people happy, more options mean more money, but does money makes people happy ? No. But we have to remember that money doesn't buy happiness, eventhough we live in a material world.

Funny situation. Are you saying that your teacher gives you good marks/scores/grades even though you thought this was a poorly written paper? Let's read...


why the Question mark at the end? Maybe an exclamation mark intended? If you wanted to just have it as a statement, then 'Now that's what I call a good question. It would be hard for* me to answer it!'


Once I read this sentence, I thought something was awry. You go from happiness, to asking questions, to good question, to different people types...I'm getting a bad feeling from this chain. Unless this "it" here refers to that first question. I guess the issue is the chain of three pronouns. Try to keep them, the pronouns, clearly connected with what they are meant to substitute.


works here, but they don't 'what'? Maybe "simply can't stand making such choices." or "simply dislike open ended possibilities." I think the latter fits better. What do you think? :] hehe


So, here I want to pause and ask you, what made you think of this question? is there a background to it? something that made you think about it? And back to editing- 'each one answered* this/the/my question'


did each of them give you three answers? or did they each give you a single, different response? (hint: exclamations are fun, but use them sparingly. Instead of surprising your reader/audience/teacher with these !!!!, you need only use one, try to make more analytical or critical statements. This will greatly improve your writing style and hopefully get you to write more about what you think.


First paragraph I assume? Quite short. I'm not sure if you enjoy using adjectives (you have countless ones to choose from), but you could use some more of those, and add in a transition here or there. A topic sentence would be good, but I'm not sure if you need that for such a short piece. Grammatically, you can split the first sentence into maybe two, or possibly even three smaller clauses. That last sentence "Seeing new..." is a clear attempt at commenting on her response, or seems so, but you can add more. Explain why it doesn't make her bored, explain that a supermarket has countless more options and merchandise than a minimart, explain that more clearly than "more variety"- more variety of 'what'? These can seem really simple things to talk about, but if you can link them well together, you can tell the reader more of what you think. Maybe you know those things, but organize them and write them down.


Second paragraph is three sentences! Good job. Again, those "it"s need to be addressed properly. Every time* she goes to a cafe with her friends, she freaks out because she doesn't know what kind of coffee, let alone what kind of drink she should buy.

freaks out-colloquial but ok I guess? or maybe not...this is your essay, use your own style.
Same issue with "type of whatever." type of whatever she wants/needs to buy/eat/drink/etc. Be more descriptive. Finish those thoughts.

Using "There is..." sounds somewhat odd. Again, if you add a description, you could say, "On the menu, she sees Expresso,..." Changing the way you write can make a big difference.


Miss MiddleRoad. It's always good to have these people/thoughts around.
What do you mean Lizzy doesn't think about it? What do you mean by your parenthetical statement? (why is it there?) why not so that people from all pay scales/ people from all walks of life/ people with different tastes/ etc? I say this because "slums" are not a people. :/ Again, you can write more here I assume. You could even state those choices I wrote a second ago and use those. Talk about them. What is good, what is bad, etc.


Do* options make people happy?
Since you didn't really analyze anything, I'm not sure a "in conclusion" statement would work. You address the happiness issue only in the introduction and the conclusion. I don't remember a happiness reference in the body. You could write about being happy there too. Again, with this type of paper, I don't know if you are allowed to use personal pronouns, but I assume you can, since you used them earlier. Last statement makes sense. However, prove it in the essay. Make your point a strong one.


What exactly are you trying to do? write better? get advice on better writing? simply get other opinions? I read your other thread; it seems like you write well. Good is subjective :] I can say that you can definitely improve your writing. I assume you live in America? If not, pardon my ignorance.

~Sorry I got carried away

Cheers,
Jon