Help with a letter (Joe Lawry)

I've been given an assignment to critic a jazz performance and it needs to be properly formatted and double spaced. Can anyone tell me if this is correct?

Australian jazz vocalist Jo Lawry celebrated the release of her debut album "I want

to be happy" at 55 Bar located in downtown Manhattan on Christopher Street near

Seventh Ave. I first noticed the intimate setting of the location, which was perfect for

a performance such as Jo Lawry's. I also noticed that there was a no food policy, this

reminded me of famous jazz club I've visited before such as Village Vanguard and

jazz clubs in Paris. There were a few things that I found interesting and similar to

past experiences in regards to the venue's atmosphere that night and I would like to

describe it in a few words.
1) Paris -the first jazz center outside the United States and I have had the great

pleasure to visit and experience it. For the very first time I have noticed how

people treated a great jazz performance, no food serving, bar is located all

the way back at the club and it's all about listening and feeling the music.

2) Village Vanguard- one of the oldest clubs in New York City, the center of the

jazz universe, the small club, triangular-shaped room with a great sound,

unbelievable history, where the ghosts of past jazz giants still play! And once

again there wasn't any food being served there isn't any need you come here

to listen.

My first time at 55 Bar and here it is an inexpensive, cozy place that brings an

atmosphere of a very casual and intimate jazz gig, just as early jazz in New Orleans.

There are 5 to 6 tables in the front and long bar lasting from the entrance to the end

of the extremely tiny room. Atmosphere was very unusual in the sense that it

seemed as if the place would remain virtually empty, musicians getting ready to

start, as they began the first set the place started to get crowded quickly.
The performance started with an original song "I want to be happy", very quiet and

I must say very unique start. After the first two minutes of listening I realized how

brilliant it's start was. What a great idea that leaves the listener wondering what is

going to happen next. Arrangements did not sound too fancy although vibes brought

some extravagance to the whole performance. It brought out both the keyboard and

percussion functions at some point with brilliance. Starting from the first song

guitarist showed his first solo pieces, which is also did not sound too fast or too

smart, quietly simply supporting the basic theme.
I also must mention her stunning arrangement of Barry Manilow's composition

"Can't smile without you" it shows a sensitivity, imagination, professionalism that is

thrilling. Performing duo Lawry brings incredible sensitivity, awesome

musicianship and perfect intonation for this song. The bands great work through the

rhythm section was amazing with a guitar solo that completed the performance.

I noticed how spiritual and powerful her performance was at this point. She brought

fresh life to every piece using perfectly timed phrasing.

A great duo with guitarist Keith Gantz performing "Honeysuckle Rose" brought

something new and unexpected to the whole performance, using a musical

procedure known as call and response. She's definitely leading a melody along

with guitar accompaniment. This composition without a doubt has a crystal soft,

unspeakable feel to it.

Also I must mention her brilliant performance of "I have a feeling I have been here

before". Here I can absolutely tell that Jo has got an incredibly pure voice with

faultless intonation, she was so real with awesome musicianship, she has brought so

much life and feeling to the composition-"Lawry is a true jazz singer!" My overall

thought's about her performance was that it's very real, not fake and extremely

soulful. A must see for any true jazz fan.

I can't say much about the formatting because it appears differently here...

About the impact of the writing, it would be good to draw from this a central idea that you could put forth at the end of the first paragraph -- rather than just saying that you have a few ideas to put forth, put forth one POIGNANT and memorable idea at the end of that first paragraph. Then, every point you make will reinforce the main idea.

Actually, you see this in many reviews of restaurants, movies, etc. where the author uses a title as a sort of thesis statement. Then, every point made in the review supports a main idea. Very powerful.

You write quite well! Fix this here, though:

It was my first time at 55 Bar, and here I was in an inexpensive, cozy place that brings an

atmosphere of a very casual and intimate jazz gig, just as early jazz in New Orleans.

The numbering of your comparisons at the start of your essay seems a bit odd, too. Really, why wouldn't you use complete sentences and clear transitions to fully integrate your ideas into your essay. The way they are now, they seem more like part of your outline or rough draft than pieces of a finished product.