You can never cite yourself in an essay or any other witten work. Only other information references and people may be used as other data or opinion sources. Therefore, it is grammatically incorrect to say
According to me
. Only first person pronoun references can be used when stating a personal opinion, insight, or information gleaned from personal knowledge and / or experiences.
Areas of the presentation neglect the use of the aforementioned pronouns as well. Thus, creating a confusing sentence. Who is the speaker? It is not difficult to keep track of whois speaking and referring to the person properly. That is the writers main concern in relation to written thought clarity.
The sentences are not well developed in areas of subject-verb agreement as well. Though I can fill in the blanks being an English native speaker, an ESI will have difficulty understanding certain sentences in this paragraph / statement.