TOEFL - Humans have feelings, and because of this, they are easily manipulated by grades

Hello all, I'm new at this forum. I'm going to take TOEFL in a short time so I hope you would take a moment to read and review my essay, and if possible, correct it.

Thanks.

Do grades encourage students to learn?

Teacher gives students assignments and tests in order to measure the capability of children as well as to measure his/her ability to teach students. Due to this method of teaching, teacher is forced to give grades to the students grades based on these academic measurement. I personally believe that grades encourage students to learn and do their best because of several reasons mentioned below.

First of all, humans are naturally competitive in every way of life. They compete for job, food, and even power in politics. As they compete, there will always be the winner and the loser. As the winner wins, he/she will work even harder to maintain its winning position. But, what happens to the loser? He/she will also get motivated to work harder because of the embarrassment of losing to the winner. The same case applies to academic life. As the grades are given by the teachers, both students who get good grades and bad one, will study harder and indeed learn more.

The second reason comes from the parents. Every parent does not want their children to get bad grades. If their children get one, their parents will be disappointed or even angry. This situation may bring the idea of having a private teacher for them. By having another teacher apart from their official teachers in class, they will be forced to study. Even if the children do not get a private teacher, they still will study more because of the bad feelings towards their parents by having them disappointed.

Based on the reasons I mentioned above, I summarize that students are encouraged to learn because of the grades they get. Humans have feelings, and because of this, they will be easily manipulated by some things, including grades.

In general I think it's an good essay but I'm not sure if you need to give evidence for the things you've stated as facts.

i.e
"But, what happens to the loser? He/she will also get motivated to work harder because of the embarrassment of losing to the winner" it might actually have the opposite effect.

"If their children get one, their parents will be disappointed or even angry. This situation may bring the idea of having a private teacher for them." doesn't this directly say that getting grades is profitable for children whose parents have a decent amount of money, while those who don't are put at a huge disdavantage?

I'm not sure how well researched and carefully written those toefl eassys need to be, so your essay might just fine, those are just some thought.

If I may ask, I took the toefl a year ago and I couldn't prepare an essay beforehand, I just got the task on test day, so why is everyone writing toefl essays?

Teacher gives students assignments and tests in order to measureassess their capability of childrenas well as to measure his/her ability to teach students.-------------------- Assignments and tests are meant to assess the student's knowledge. However, I doubt whether they serve the purpose of assessing teacher's performance aswell. Just think about this point!!

Due to In this method of teaching, teacher is forced to give grades to the students grades based on these academic measurementhow they have displayed their knowledge . I personally believe that grades encourage students to learn and do their beststudies seriously because of several reasons which I would mentioned below.

First of all, humans are naturally competitive in every way of lifetheir behaviour . They compete for job, food, shelter, weatlth and even power in politics As they compete, there will always be thea winner and thea loser. As the winner wins, he/she will work even harder to maintain its winning position. But, what happens to the loser? He/she will also get motivated to work harder becauseto be rid of the embarrassment of losing to the winner . The same casescenario applies to the academic life too . As the grades are given by the teachers, both students who get good grades and bad ones , willwould study harder and indeed learn more. ------------------- Very good point

The second reason comes from the parents.is that eE very parent does not want their children to get bad grades. If their children get onedont perform academically well , their parentsthey will be disappointed or evenand sometimes even can be angry. This situation may bring the idea of having a private teacher for them.They would make every attempt to improve the gradings of their childrenBb y havingtaking alternatives such as employing private tutors for the subjects that the children have lower gradings.another teacher apart from their official teachers in class, they will be forced to study.

GOOD LUCK!!

The essay is good in general, while I think it will be more logical if you put a paragragh between the 3rd and 4th paragargh about the disadvantages of grades;

Good luck~