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[ILETS TASK 2] should children get formal study at school as early as possible



jeffery0929007 1 / 1  
Apr 27, 2020   #1

Reform of the education formula



Living in the world the education for the children is always a hot topic in our society ,by the rapidly changing of the world there are also many questions about educate the children, is worth to talk about ,like the problem that should we let children get to the formula education as early as well before seven years old is often argued.

On the one hand ,in my view the parents should not to send their children to the formula education as early as possible. the nowadays formula education is come from the industrial revolution ,the target is to rapidly get more professional worker .but in nowadays the society type of people we need is the "creater" not the technicist. so if we send our children to the formula education as early as possible maybe wear their innovation ability out, thus parents must to promote the curiosity and innovation ability instead of to send their to the formula education.

On the other hand ,even so the formula education is still very important for us is no denying the fact but by the development of the technology the way to study is become diversification , we should not get the knowledge only from the teacher at school ,we could study the things which we are curious .so the useful of the formula education place like school is more like the guide place let you gain the explicit goal ,and teach you how to make closer to it .for example ,the parents who is from Asia are very focus on the formula education and always let there children learned more formula education knowledge before seven years old , but as far as I know this didn't cause these children more excellent than others.

To summarize that the society is always changing the educate method must to change simultaneously . So the way to send children to the formula education is not the best way to educate the children.

huy2108 2 / 3  
Apr 27, 2020   #2
Hi Jeffery0929007, I will make some suggestions, of course, that is my opinion.

You should be careful in using "a/an/the".

Note the spelling errors, I noticed that you don't check your essay.

Notice in put punctuation.

Use a strong emotional response in the essay. This is an extent essay so you need descriptive emotional words to describe your opinion. While this is a single opinion direct response essay, it requires a measured dis/agreement response within the prompt paraphrase.

Overall your essay is really good, your ideas are very sharp.
vuthuylinh2611 19 / 61  
Apr 27, 2020   #3
@jeffery0929007

First of all, I think you should include the full topic of the essay so that everyone can give you comments more easily. I guess that this is an opinion essay.

Secondly, you must focus on improving your vocabulary and grammar and pay attention to punctuations. There are a lot of mistakes in your essay which make your essay unclear.

E.g: Paragraph 1: about educating children
Paragraph 2: formula formal education
in my view -> in my opinion/ in my point of view
is come -> came from.

You need to review all verb tenses, the use of each part of speech and the use of prepositions. Focus on using them right first.

- Try to use more simple sentence structures. When you do not understand the sentence structures well and you still attempt to use them, you tend to make run-on sentences which is meaningless.

I hope that you will improve your writing
OP jeffery0929007 1 / 1  
May 2, 2020   #4
@vuthuylinh2611
I really appreciate your advice


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