TOEFL; What is the most important room for you? playstation in my bedroom

When you evaluate my essay, please say about flow of sentences.In other words, are they well connected,do you understand clearly what I'm saying, is there any confussing part or words?How many points I can get from this essay in Toefl? points range 1-5...Thank you so much

When you look at your possesions, you can realize that some of the possesions are more important than rest of them for you.This possesions can include your car, computer, furnitures, books, jewelry and so on.This explanation is also available for rooms of your house.I think one of the rooms is more important for you.From my point of view, my bedroom is essential than other rooms in my house for me, because I feel relaxed, it is also my studying room and it is entertainment room for me.

First of all, after hard day's work, as soon as I come from my workplace to my home, I go to my bedroom.There is a bed that very relaxing for me.When I reach my room, I lay in my bed and I watch television.All of the working stress don't effect me badly and I feel less stressed.Also my bedroom is the most silent room in my house.There is no car's horn or street noise which are very disturbing things for sleeping, so I can sleep deeply especially in sunday's morning.

Secondly, my bedroom is also my studying room.There is big bookshelves that include a lot books such as my highschool and university course books and novels.If there is a technical problem with my work, I look at them and I learn in easy way.I said easy way because when all of the books become reachable for me, I spend more time to look at them and study them.Moreover,there is my desk and my computer in my bedroom.Therefore, I can get deeply understanding of my problems when I make research from my computer.

Finally, my bedroom is my entertainment world.There is a led tv on the wall of the my room.It's visual effect has great influence on me.For example, when I lay on my bed at nights, I make connection of the sound system to television. When I watch films, thanks to both visual effect of television and high sound quality of sound system,I feel excited.Furthermore, there is playstation 3 in my bedroom.Sometimes I call my friends to play playstation games in my bedroom.Especially, making football tournovers with your friends is very enjoyable.

To sum up, although there are very important room in my house such as saloon, kitchen and sitting room, I strongly believe that my bedroom is essential for me because of the reasons which I mention in the above.

You should have included the prompt so that we know what it is all about. It is difficult to give you meaningful feedbacks when the prompt is not there. Include it next time when you open a new thread.


... there are some issues here; These possessions (possessions - plural , these- plural) ;"furnitures" is wrong and it should be "furniture". Everything you own is a possession of yours, so make only the valuables qualify for this purpose; Also arrange these possessions according to their hierarchical value. For example;

These valuable possessions may included your car, jewelry, furniture, books, computer, mobile phone and so on.

Yes, this is very important for us to understand your writing better and provide meaningful feedbacks. Anyway, your topic too does not sound like a normal TOEFL Independent Task topic. Is this for a speaking task?


Going by your title, which I assume your topic to be, I think the above lines take your introduction off track. It is good to open your essay with a good hook, but your hook should be interesting as well as relevant to your topic. These lines are pretty out of topic and do not add any value to your introduction.