Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

increase in sale reflect the power of advertisement not for real need

thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Oct 11, 2009   #1
i am preparing for ielts, pl check for me,and give me your comments, suggestions for my essay,thanks so much

Today, the high sales of popular customer goods reflect the power of advertisement and not the real needs for the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern society, there is no doubt that commercial advertisement is the most powerful advertised tool for producers to bring their products to customers. Thus, some people hold an opinion that the increase in sales of some popular goods reflects the development of advertisement not for the rise in the real consumption demands. In this essay, I will analyze both sides of this issue.

On the one side, some people in the modern society decide to buy products not only for their own needs. In my own country, there are plenty of commercial advertisements on TV which are performed by famous people. When TV shows those advertisements, famous people's fans who are passional about their idols are more likely to buy that products without consideration about prices and quality of them. These people buy products not for their real demand; they buy that products because of their idols. In addition, there has also appeared a group of people who are rich, famous and want to show their wealthy to communities; these people buy products not to meet their needs. For example, when those people see an advertisement on television about expensive cars with appearance of a famous, rich family, and everyone in community know that it is a luxurious product. It is likely that they will buy this car for their desire having a happy, famous family like that even they have several other cars in garage. These people often do not care about their need, they are willing to pay a large mount of money for products as long as these products help them show their luxury.

On the other side, others people only buy products when these products can meet their real needs. Before making decision to buy any products, they often consider about utilization of products. Advertisement cannot change their consumption habit, and for them, commercial advertisement help them access more information about products such as prices, supplier. The crucial factor for deciding to buy products is value for usage.

In conclusion, I believe that commercial advertisements contribute to increase in sales; however, this selling rises reflect rises in real demands for products not only for the power of advertisement.

aroundtheworld 1 / 8  
Oct 11, 2009   #2
Just a few points:

I think your conclusion that commercial advertisements contributes to increased sales is correct, but you might want to think of some better examples.

You say that rich people buy tons of luxury goods because they want to show off to the community. It seems here like you're arguing that rich people buy things because they want to show off, not because advertisements push them to do so.

You might want to rework your conclusion. Why is rising demand causing people to buy more products? What is fuelling this rising demand; is it advertisement?

Just a few things to think about.
Good luck!
Zoe 1 / 3  
Oct 11, 2009   #3
I'm not familiar with IELTS. I've read your other essay about professional athletes earning too much money and it seems you always use the same structure. I guess it's a thing in IELTS?

Home / Writing Feedback / increase in sale reflect the power of advertisement not for real need