Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


'the inexorable march of science and technology' - my GRE issue essay



shirat 1 / 1  
Jan 4, 2012   #1
My exam is in one month, please tell me how I can improve in this time.

"Scientific theories, which most people consider 'fact,' almost invariably prove to be inaccurate. Thus, one should look upon any information described as 'factual' with skepticism since it may well be proven false in the future."

Over the years we human beings have witnessed the inexorable march of science and technology to attain perfection, by the process of improving and modifying the existing theories and facts. However, it might be too broad to classify the term 'improving the existing theories' to be treated as it being inaccurate. Although, in earlier times when men started the exploration of the world, there were a lot of facts, which were later proved to be inaccurate, we cannot openly embrace the statement that all facts would turn out to be so. Rather, this would be a case of ameliorating and modifying based on the new knowledge we have. And since everyday we are evolving and gaining more knowledge we have to anticipate these kind of improvements in the existing facts.

The earliest information about the shape of planet earth was that it was a square body. Later, with better modes of commuting and travelling, people conjured the idea that the planet they inhabited was a perfect spherical body. But, as more convoluted devices and instruments were invented, they finally came to the conclusion that earth was flat at the poles and bulged at the equator. So, as there were newer advancements and methods our perception of ideas were modified with all the available resources. Though, we have been in stasis over the idea about earth's shape, we never know if a new research would bring a totally new concept. Consider the case of Pluto, which was initially considered to be a planet. Later when scientists learnt more about the Kepler belt and asteroids, Pluto has been demoted from its prestigious position of being a planet.

Likewise, Einstien's mechanical theory was able to resolve a lot of issues that Newton's theory faced. Newton's theory provided the base for a lot of mysteries and also helped predicting the position of most of the planets from Venus to Jupiter. However, Newton's theory failed to prove the orbit of Uranus. Einstein, modified Newton's theory by including a few more terms and was able to account for Uranus's orbit. However, since Newton's theory failed to establish this, we cannot consider the theory inaccurate, because other planet's position and orbit could be predicted with this. Infact, Newton's theory is still used widely by scientists in cases where smaller figures are involved.

Therefore, we have to conclude that, factual information is not proved wrong in future, but since there is lot for room for improvement, we can very well anticipate a lot of changes to happen to every known theory and fact.

linmark 2 / 325  
Jan 8, 2012   #2
HI Shiniga,
My overall takeaway from your essay:
1) Topic is interesting
2) You need to watch out for your tenses (subjunctive - would vs will) and singular plural verbs.
3) Stumbled over these sections:

However, it might be too broad to classify the term 'improving the existing theories' to be treated as it being inaccurate.

- what do you mean "treated as it being inaccurate??" what is "it"? the existing theories or the term? classify the term... and then treating "it" gets convoluted. Would it be clearer to simplify and state that "to classify the term... as inaccurate" and just remove the intermediate "treated as it"

4) Work on your closing paragraph. It lacks the punch in conclusion. Break up the sentence and get the tenses sorted out. Do you mean to say that information remains factual until proven wrong? And every know theory can be disproven because of... give a specific example of relentless progress in scientific research.

Therefore, we have to conclude that, factual information is not proved wrong in future, but since there is lot for room for improvement, we can very well anticipate a lot of changes to happen to every known theory and fact.

"A lot of room for improvement' is weak, as is "a lot of changes to happen"
OP shirat 1 / 1  
Jan 8, 2012   #3
Hi Thanks a lot for pointing out the mistakes. It would be great if you could tell me the score I will get for this essay in your judgement.


Home / Writing Feedback / 'the inexorable march of science and technology' - my GRE issue essay
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳