the Profit of a restaurant in October
Information about the sales during an ordinary October week at a small restaurant is presented in the following table.
It is clear that the revenues during the dinners were significantly greater than at the lunches. The highest sales for the dinners were experienced on Fryday, whereas the highest profit during the lunches was observed on Wednesday.
On Monday, the sales at lunch were for 2400$, while the dinner revenue was of approximately 3600$. The sale volumes for both dinner and lunch went up in the following day. The upward trend continue in the lunch's revenue on Wednesday, while a decrease was observed in the sales for the dinner in that day.
The sale volumes for lunch on Thursday witnessed diminished, but then on Friday they went up again. In contrast, the dinner's revenue uplifted on Thursday and they the revenue skyrocketed on the next day, as sales for more than 4300$ were observed during that day. At the weekend the revenues for both types decreased dramatically, as on Sunday they hit their lowest points 1550$ and 2450$, resprectevely for the lunch and dinner.
Hi @krempetkov ,
Based on what I know, had experienced, and what has been told many times to me about the IELTS test, I will help in providing some feedback for you to consider upon:
First and foremost, please pay attention to your spelling. Spelling might look like a minor problem, however, IELTS is an exacting test where you have to spell all words correctly (I have taken IELTS prediction tests, watched IELTS video, and done many mini-IELTS seminars, workshops, and trials for at least 6 months, so, I can say these). I notice in paragraph 2, you wrote, "Fryday", while it should be "Friday". In paragraph 4 when you described about the degrading part of Sunday's sales revenue, it should be, "...Respectively for the lunch and dinner," and not, "...Resprectevely for the lunch and dinner,"
Another thing is the way you write dollar: As far as I know, dollar symbols never got written at the back, instead, we write it in front of numbers. So, instead of writing 3600$, 2400$, and so on, will it be better if you change it into $3600, $2400, and so on? You can even add comma for every thousands, so, it'll be like: $3,600; $2,400; and so on.
"The sale volumes" on paragraph 3 should be replaced with, "The volume of sales" or "The amount of lunch and dinner sold". Remember not to write the same phrase on different sentences/paragraphs to increase your coherence and cohesion, as told by the UQx on the EDX platform (edx.org/ ; in case you want to enrol on the course, the name of the course is: "IELTS Academic Test Preparation". Trust me, it's very useful :) I had jumped by 1-band in just 2-3 months.)
Finally, I can't comment more on your essay's trend description (decreasing, increasing, etc) since there were no pictures provided. Do you still save the picture? If yes, I encourage you to show it to all of us, so that hopefully, all of us will be able to give more comprehensive feedback on your essay.
As for other members and moderators, please do not hesitate to correct my feedback or add your own, should there be any. I promise it'll be so much helpful to both of us :)
-blueknightiris
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