The writing of IELTS Cambridge 11 Task 2
Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The issue of whether government should invest on railway systems more than roads or not is controversial in society. It is argued by some people that putting efforts on railways is a brilliant way compare to constructing roads. However, I personally disagree that constructing more railway systems are much more beneficial than roads. The following essay will illustrate the two chief reasons of my opinion.
First of all, creating a mass railway system need to accumulate abundant of money and time. Unlike the money which invests on roads, governments have to gather funds from private companies or increase tax from citizens in order to create a new railway. It might cause the financial heaviness of society. In addition, roads can be built within a short-term period, and we can start to use it in handy. On the contrary, from planning to completing the whole train system, it takes at least more than ten years. Nowadays, world and society are changeable, we never know what is going to happen in the next second, not to mention if we can really use railway facilities in that far future. This is my first reason why I disagree the statement which mentioned on the topic.
Secondly, it is not so efficient for train to reach all the villages or rural districts. It is said that all roads lead to Rome and it is a true fact compare to the limitation of railway expansion. Most of the time, railway only can reach main cities. The citizens who live in country would prefer to chose roads. Based on the efficiency and convenience factors, I strongly deny the statement that held on the topic.
In summary, I once again reaffirm my position that governments spend money on railways rather than roads is inappropriate and I completely disagree with that due to the massive money and time investing. Last but least, its own efficiency.Hi! Your essay is well-arranged. I admire the structure of this essay! Here are a few suggestions on the language front:
Several corrections
1. ... is a brilliant way compare compared to...
2. ... system need to accumulate abundant of requires a large amount of money funding and time. (Subject-predicate agreement）
Avoid redundancy:
eg. However, I personally disagree that...
Replace complex structures with simpler expressions:
eg1. Unlike the money which invests investments on roads
eg2. Rewrite "On the contrary, ... " into "On the contrary, a new railway system takes at least a decade to plan and complete."
eg3. The citizens ... would prefer to chose roads.
Avoid dangling modifiers:
"Unlike the money which invests on ..." This sentence may create a confusion: Are "governments" "unlike the money which invests on roads"? Reading twice, I can understand it is "building railways" that is unlike investments on roads. This confusion is because the subject in this sentence is not the actual subject of the modifier "Unlike the money which invests on roads". And this is against grammar. So please make sure modifiers share the same subject as the rest of the sentence.
Hope this helps!
