How to keep healthy in university (one para)

keep the balance

It has become distinct that health is one of the most important objects during college students' daily lives. It is acceptable to divide the concept of health into two parts, one is physical health, another is mental health. In order to keep healthy in university, students should balance both them well regardless of how high the academic pressure is. On the one hand, physical health is depended on the time management of students. Firstly, studying or playing games round the clock is the obstruction of the healthy gates, so it is important that to build an effective bedtime routine such as keeping early hours. Secondly, students should free them up to work out, which can stimulate their physical potentials. On the other hand, mental health even has more positive influences on keeping healthy. Actually, the life which only has unhurried self study is extensively enjoyed by a large proportion of the freshmen who still do not have a clear-cut pursuit, so ambition and aspiration are the standard crucial to fill their empty spiritual culture instead of only playing cellphone. In conclusion, college students ought to have an appropriate balance between physical and mental healthy simultaneously to keep healthy in university.

... one is physical health and the other is ... or better: into two parts which are physical health and mental health

Stay healthy instead of keep healthy

both of them

on one hand instead of on the one hand

Li, even though your one paragraph presentation has grammatical errors, the mistakes are not so severe that the message of the sentence is lost. Your thought process still comes across clearly to the reader. The discussion makes sense and offers an ESL insight into the topic. You should be happy that you were able to write this paragraph in a manner that makes yourself understood. That is not to say though that you should not work on perfecting your sentence structures. On the contrary, you should work even harder by doing more sentence structure exercises to help you become even better at writing. Some fill in the blank exercises that ask you to complete a sentence will help you with the sentence structure lessons. If you can do those exercises, then you can expect to write a better one paragraph presentation next time. Good job!

@mrezasaberi
thx! can u give me your email address? if u have free time, I want to give my essay to your in order to let me improve because of my poor English.