"Where is the Line Defined?" - Argumentative Essay-no OUTSIDE SOURCES!

My professor assigned us an argumentative essay as our last essay for the semester. We can choose our own topics. My topic is about SMU freshman being allowed to drink under the supervision of parents during boulevarding. My argument is that I oppose this decision. However, I need help formulating my thoughts properly. ALLOW CRITICISMS APPRECIATED! THANKS :)

Where is the Line Defined?

What were hundreds of people doing on the streets of Southern Methodist University on an early afternoon? In an event called boulevarding, SMU's tradition of pre-gaming pumps up students and parents with food, music, and a lot of Mustang Spirit. It was the first game of the year: SMU vs. University of Alabama at Birmingham. As a freshman, this experience was unfamiliar to me, but I was excited to embark on this new tradition. So as everybody else, I went boulevarding.

Reflecting back on my first encounter of boulevarding, I remember seeing lots of excitement and spirit. Students ate and talked, while a lot of parents' barbequed food and laughed. Music filled the air. The marching band uplifted the enthusiasm of the SMU community with the playing of their instruments, while cheerleaders recited cheers. However, through the thrill there were some questionable things that I could not let slide. Why were freshman holding cups filled with alcohol? Apparently, SMU had a rule allowing the consumption of alcohol by students under the supervision of their parents. Opposed by this decision, I believe that students who are of underage should not be allowed to consume alcohol under the supervision of their parents because it sets the wrong example.

Underage drinking is not the optimum position to be in because it could be dangerous. That is why most state laws require that the minimum drinking age should be 21. Freshman at SMU are incapable of handling a sufficient amount of alcohol because they abuse and misuse the opportunity. The parents may be there to supervise, but how can we verify that they are legitimately the parents? They could easily be family friends or aunts/uncles. If we can not even verify the supervision of parents for these freshman then what can we say about their actions? They are not ready, both physically and emotionally, to take on this responsibility.

That day on the Boulevard, I witnessed freshman drinking heavily; they drank at least 3 cups of alcohol before the game. Yet, SMU believes that as long as their parents are there then it is fine. However, it is not. These students abused the fact that their parents were there and because of that drank more than needed to, therefore building up their dependence on the alcohol.

Students may reply that "Well my parents are with me so it is ok" Is it really just fun and games?

a lot of Mustang Spirits .

Students ate and talked, while a lot of parents' barbequed food and laughed.This sentence is obscure.

because it could be dangerous.Why is it dengerous? you may need more specific reasons.

Is it really just fun and games?
question should be avoided at the end of writing... need stronger conclusion.

good luck :)

At the end of the first paragraph I am wondering why this is worth writing about. It would be good to add a thesis statement after this sentence above.

Reflecting back on my first encounter of boulevarding, I remember...

Apparently, SMU had a rule allowing the consumption of alcohol by students under the supervision of their parents. ----Is this actually true? Were adults providing alcohol to minors??

Opposed by to this decision, I believe that students who are of underage should not be allowed ...

If we cannot even verify the supervision of parents for these freshman then what can we say about their actions? ---well, let them drink. That is how natural selection works, I guess. It's too bad, though.

Never use "that" in this situation.
Students may reply, that "Well my parents are with me so it is okay ."

Well, what is the message of the essay? That you oppose underage drinking? I think you can make a connection between this issue and your careers of interest. What can you do with your life to improve situations like this...what will you do? :-)