[task 1] line graph - the revenue of a New York City Bookstore

Hello guys, I hope you can take a look at my writing and point out what I need to improve. Thank you, I really appreciate !

monthly income of the bookshop in NYC

the chart below shows the sales income of a new york city bookstore for three types of products throughout last year

Data that compares last year's monthly revenue of the bookshop in New York City is provided in the line graph. Overall, despite a decline in the middle of the year, Newspaper accounted for the highest figure. The sales income of magazine experienced a downward fluctuation whereas that of newspaper remained relatively constant at the bottom during a surveyed year.

Looking at the graph, in January, the highest amount of money was found in Novels, at $12000. For the next 2 years, there was a plateau of its figure prior to a steadily drop to a low of $100000 in income by June. Subsequently, the trend witnessed an upsurge to reach a high of $150000 by the end of the year. Regarding magazines, its revenue began the year with $60000. The trend then underwent a gradual fall to $30000 by August before leveling off until the end of the year.

In contrast, novels generate the lowest income figures. However, sales were quite stable with the income of $20000 in each month of the year

(175 words)

Hi, you can get better feedbacks if you complete the prompt and upload the chart you have mentioned.
your sentences have problems and each paragraph lacks the coherence they should have. Maybe it's better to start with a template and then as you progress, find your own style for this task. At the time, work on your sentence structure and how you should connect them together.

EDIT: Please ignore my comments related to your sentences and sentence structure.

Ngo, a more accurate review of your work can only be done if you include the image with the essay. You forgot to upload it this time around. You need to upload that image if you want me to write up a review of your presentation problems and grammar issues. For now, I an tell you a number of things regarding your general presentation.

First up, you need to aim to write at least 200 words in order to get a better score. Normally a presentation of 4 paragraphs will be more than sufficient to get you a passing score provided the information is accurate and contains the required number of sentences per paragraph. That means, a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph will result in a passing score. That normally indicates a well developed presentation of information, upon which you are scored.

Next, look out for those tricky capitalization problems and pesky punctuation mistakes. Words like newspaper and novels are not capitalized. Those are not proper nouns. You remember the rules by which you should capitalize words in relation to nouns right? Only proper names and titles are upgraded to a capitalized format. As for your punctuation problems, the one that stands out the most is the last sentence, which is your trending statement. You are missing a period at the end of it.

Thank you for your comments. I am sorry for not uploading the picture. So here it is .

Hi, I'd like to make a correction for you.

... was found in Novels...
==> was made in Novels...
Though without the chart, I'm all but certain that novels is a source of revenue. So you should have used "made". "to find money" sounds like you pull a drawer and discover a 100 dollar note inside.

@Holt
@pier

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