Ielts writing TASK 2 - Problems in grammar and words usage
IN some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard In their studies.
What do you think are the causes of this/ What solutions can you suggest.
I will be happy, to point out - where are my mistakes and if possible to give me sample IELTS BOND!
Nowadays, we live in a highly competitive world, crammed with many challenges and obstacles. Our kids live in the same world, and with the increase of the pressure to have better grades and to study more, their free time have shrinked a lot in the recent years. In my opinion, they are two main reasons, behind this situation. First, they spend a lot of time in studying for subjects, that they are not interest in, and second the exceeding fear of receiving lower grades.
We all have attended school and after graduating, we can easily conclude, we have studied, so many unpractical lessons, which will never come in hand. Even though, it is useful to know the basics in many different areas, I think our studies need to be concentrated in areas, which we really enjoy, and are truly interesting for us. This approach will have a couple of positives in compared to the old one. First, with fewer subjects to study for, students will have more free time on their hands. Second, it will reduce the pressure on them, by making the study process more enjoyable.
During our student years, we had been teaching to be afraid from making mistakes. We were made to believe, that if we failed at the test or received a lower grade, we will never going to find ourselves a proper job or just be unemployed for the rest of our lives. Later we understand that this was not responding to the truth, but in order to resolve this problem, weed to make few adjustments in the education system. First we need to explain, that the good grades do not guarantee a successful life, as for the lower grades do not always determine you will fail in life. Moreover, if we give them the freedom, to determine their own future path, we will make their life a lot happier and easier.
At the end of the day, I think our children deserve more freedom to assemble what they really want to learn and how much time they will spend in studying. If we give them, this kind of environment to live in - we will see how they will experience lower stress rates and will have more free time
Hi Ivan, I believe this is the first time I'm going to review your essay and for starters, we may not be able to provide you with the IELTS band that you hoped for, however, here's what I can say, I believe you made and created a well managed essay, you used words that are very easy to comprehend and this is very good specially when it comes to understanding the essay.
Having said that, what is noticeable in the essay is also the fact that you made sure that the essay is very relevant to todays world and of significant importance too. Moreover, the logical sequence of the ideas are well incorporated to the essay.
Now, I have a few suggestions on your concluding part.
... to live in - we will see how they will experience lower stress rates and will have more free timebe able to determine how they can be relieved from stress and enjoy life.
There you have it Ivan, I hope the above remarks helped and should you need further assistance, do let us know and we will be able to help.
