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Maroon and Grey - "two page descriptive essay of a place without using I"



jricha 2 / 11  
Apr 12, 2015   #1
Prompt: Write a two page descriptive essay of a place without using I

Maroon and Grey


Way out back behind Andrews High lies four recently resurfaced tennis courts. The maroon and grey courts are the home of the tennis team. They scream Andrews, and fill the athletes with school spirit as they are painted the school colors, maroon and grey. The perfectly smoothed out asphalt creates a sanctuary for tennis. In the center of each court lies a brand new shiny net with no ratty holes which has been the case the previous three years. The net is big and powerful. It is the enemy. Its web catches all balls that are hit too low. The courts are enclosed in a tall metal fence separating the tennis players from the world, and the obnoxious donkeys and farm animals in the pasture next to it. Wood benches slowly rotting away sit on the side of the courts. They are where the player sits to rest for a short minute in between points, but they could really break in half at any moment. Beside them lies a puke stain from an intense match. On the side of the court lies the score card with a red and black side. We are the black side because it is one of our school colors. The score card is sometimes the enemy, and sometimes the best friend depending on the outcome of the match. On the other side of the court is a large sign displaying the names of the Varsity players each year. Looking up and seeing my name as well as the now college tennis players that have gone before me gives me encouragement to live up to those names.

The courts are filled with many unique sounds. The peaceful ping of the ball hitting the racket will be heard. Players loudly grunt when they are hitting a ball with power. Many times players yelling at themselves to "come on" and "pull it together" are heard. "Good Point", and "You got this" are being yelled from the bleachers by teammates and parents. An explosion of clapping is always present after a good point. The clicks of a camera echo across the court as yearbook photographers, school newspaper photographers, and parents capture pictures of the matches. Shoes screech as they slide across the court when players are sprinting to a ball. The sound of pump up songs from the baseball players as well as donkeys making mating calls distract the players. The coaches can be heard whispering strategies to the players.

Its also a place with a roller coaster of emotions. The tension can sometimes be cut with a knife. Coaches are on the edge of their seat as they watch their player play out a grueling point. Sometimes matches get heated and the opponents will literally try to hit each other with the balls. Sometime the opponent will make a bad call( call a ball is out when it is really on the line) creating extreme rage in the player and the audience. Extreme anger is radiated when a player is loosing and complete happiness when a player wins.

lcturn87 - / 423  
Apr 12, 2015   #2
1st paragraph: Do you have to use the words maroon and grey in this essay? Place a comma between ratty hole and which. Varsity shouldn't be capitalized. Revise the last sentence where you discuss looking up at your name. You can say the alumni tennis players that are now on a collegiate roster". This is how the sentence would read: Looking up and seeing my name together with the alumni tennis players that are now on a collegiate roster, inspires me to achieve. This is a suggestion what I am going to give you to simplify the sentence. You are doing quite well at not using the word "I". I am impressed thus far.

2nd paragraph: Are these "pump up songs" similar to school spirit songs? I would clarify this.

3rd paragraph: Make "Sometime" plural. When you describe what a call is in parenthesis, you forgot the word "is", so I suggest starting with, " a call is a ball that is out when it is on the line" Read this and decide if you want to put this in parenthesis and if this clarifies what a call is. I would revise the last sentence. Do you mean that anger is radiated when a player loses; whereas, complete happiness results when a player wins?

Excellent Job!


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