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IELTS; mobile phones and precautions



linh110 2 / 6  
Apr 22, 2014   #1
When I read this part again , I felt so confused... but I don't know how to fix it. Please help me. Thanks

While many studies have shown the adverse effects of cell phone usage, there are also many studies refuting the impacts of mobile phones on human health. This creates uncertainty and citizens still do not lessen cell phones use. Although, research is preliminary, human beings should be wary and take some precautions. First of all, the usage of the cell phone in only the most necessary calls, as explained earlier, by allaying the time of using cell phones and calling, users can minimize the adverse impacts on the brain in daily life. To avoid sleep disturbances, mobile phones should not kept beside the bed at night when switched on or they should be turned off after 9 p.m. Another safety measure is that considering whether a child can be allowed to use mobile phones. One suggested that children under the age of 16 should only use mobile phones for essential calls, because at this point in their lives the head and body are in the most sensitive period of development. Moreover, at present, low-radiation phones are designed to assist users that has a low specific absorption rate (SAR) (Health Protection Agency, 2010). So far, cell phone technology has undergone some modifications to be more convenient and protective. Therefore, scientists suggest that a lower-emission phone should replace a current model phone to minimize the impacts of RF radiation on body.

Arun0506 27 / 119  
Apr 22, 2014   #2
Dear Linh,
First of all, please provide the full question in order to understand the objective of your essay.
Secondly, paraphrase your essay to ease the understanding of the reader which is essential in IELTS writing.
Thirdly, your essay don't have 250 word in total. It is highly significant to have full task achievement.
Finally, Try to organize your points with linking words to achieve coherency in your essay.

Good Luck !!!

... Arun
OP linh110 2 / 6  
Apr 22, 2014   #3
thanks ...but that's just one part of my essay ...not whole the essay... anyway..thanks for your feedback
SHanafi 120 / 357  
Apr 22, 2014   #4
hi, linh

.but that's just one part of my essay ...not whole the essay

full question in order to understand the objective of your essay.

. I think it is good for you to add not only full question but also full essay. Then, I suggest you to put space(s) among the paragraph. It helps reader to see part of your essay and your essay look well-organized, indeed.
OP linh110 2 / 6  
Apr 22, 2014   #5
Thanks for your advice a lots :)... I'll do it next time
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Apr 22, 2014   #6
thanks ...but that's just one part of my essay ...not whole the essay... anyway..thanks for your feedback

Ok, then re do the whole essay following the structure I suggested you and post it here. :) It is not clear which section you have covered in the above writing. It looks like a body para, but it is too long for a body paragraph. You have to be mindful about the timing for this task. It is very important that you complete it on time and also it contains the necessary features. i.e. Introduction, Body Paras and the Conclusion. I am sure if you follow the above structure, you won't be confused any more :D
OP linh110 2 / 6  
Apr 24, 2014   #7
Can someone help me correct and make this sentence more academic ? I don't know how to express properly the meaning ". This device containing bacteria caused infections, because it cannot be washed or cleaned frequently. " THANKS A LOT.


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