Today marks one-year anniversary of the day I first set foot in this new nation - a moment that forever changed the trajectory of my life. Since then, I have grappled with and surpassed waves of depression, self-doubt, and the ache of nostalgia. Moving to the United States was a leap of faith - a slippery step that promised adventure but held uncertainty. Like a small fish in the vast ocean, I'm clumsily navigating its culture, customs, and people. This wasn't the life I had planned, but it was the life I chose.
At 26, caught between my twenties and the approach of my thirties, I used to imagine myself settling into a comfortable position in life. In contrast, I found myself uprooted and starting over in a foreign land. At time, I began to see my life as a half-baked cake. It wasn't ready to be served but still held potential - it wasn't something I could simply give up. Repeatedly I have questioned my decision-making ability and wondered about is it choices I made lead me to life-long mistakes.
Back in my motherland, I had built a secure life. I surrounded myself with loyal friends, a supportive family, and the pride of owning a small business. I had created a steady, comforting shelter with a cozy home to return to each night. Leaving all that behind was no minor determination. Several years of perseverance and hard-won achievements were cast aside to pursue the so-called "American Dream". Even though I truly don't see it as how others perceive it. To me the decision is not an ambitious desire to hand reach a superpower's citizenship or running away from an unworthy living country, but it's an opportunity has equal parts awarding and terrifying, pushing me to confront the boundaries of my comfort zone and explore uncharted aspects of myself.
Assimilating into American culture has been one of the greatest mountains of my life. It's not just about learning a new language but about understanding the unspoken rule that is concealed under every interaction. Hidden messages, inside jokes, and cultural nuances felt like a puzzle with missing pieces. Conversations would leave me in the dark raising questions: "What are they really implying? Why is everyone laughing?". Even when I grasped the words, I often missed the deeper meaning behind them as lacking cultural understanding. In the adapting process, I turned to TV shows, podcasts, and social media platforms like TikTok, not just for entertainment but as tools to immerse myself in the rhythm of American life, but insufficient impact to my improvement. For a long time, even casual interactions felt like walking a tightrope, especially small talk which seemed so natural to others, felt foreign for me. Moreover, while American favors confidence and directness, modesty and indirectness are highly valued in Asian cultures causing me to hesitate to share too much or speak too boldly, fearing I might come across as rude or ungrateful. Persistently and slowly, I began to adjust and build a new mindset - not by erasing my own identity, but by harmoniously collaborating with the existing personality in me.
One such challenge to adapt was returning to college. In Asian culture, pursuing education beyond the "right age" is considered as unnecessary. Yet, I chose to defy those conventions. I enrolled with a goal of earning a bachelor's degree, even when self-doubt whispered that I might not belong among younger students. In reverse, I could have chosen an easier path: taking a 9-5 job, earning a steady paycheck, and leading a materially sufficient life. But I wanted more. I wanted to grow, to learn, and to become a compassionate, knowledgeable person. No matter where I live, prioritizing personal growth over comfort is always a commitment I make to obtain a brighter future.
Looking back, I realize that this chapter of my life isn't just about a personal silent battle but about discovery and transformation. The voyage is still in its early stages, and I know the road ahead will be paved with challenges, failures, and moments of self-doubt. Though I welcome these experiences as part of my growth. Most importantly, I've learned that life isn't about trying to make the right choice - it's about making your choice the right one. The best is yet to come, and I am ready for it.
At 26, caught between my twenties and the approach of my thirties, I used to imagine myself settling into a comfortable position in life. In contrast, I found myself uprooted and starting over in a foreign land. At time, I began to see my life as a half-baked cake. It wasn't ready to be served but still held potential - it wasn't something I could simply give up. Repeatedly I have questioned my decision-making ability and wondered about is it choices I made lead me to life-long mistakes.
Back in my motherland, I had built a secure life. I surrounded myself with loyal friends, a supportive family, and the pride of owning a small business. I had created a steady, comforting shelter with a cozy home to return to each night. Leaving all that behind was no minor determination. Several years of perseverance and hard-won achievements were cast aside to pursue the so-called "American Dream". Even though I truly don't see it as how others perceive it. To me the decision is not an ambitious desire to hand reach a superpower's citizenship or running away from an unworthy living country, but it's an opportunity has equal parts awarding and terrifying, pushing me to confront the boundaries of my comfort zone and explore uncharted aspects of myself.
Assimilating into American culture has been one of the greatest mountains of my life. It's not just about learning a new language but about understanding the unspoken rule that is concealed under every interaction. Hidden messages, inside jokes, and cultural nuances felt like a puzzle with missing pieces. Conversations would leave me in the dark raising questions: "What are they really implying? Why is everyone laughing?". Even when I grasped the words, I often missed the deeper meaning behind them as lacking cultural understanding. In the adapting process, I turned to TV shows, podcasts, and social media platforms like TikTok, not just for entertainment but as tools to immerse myself in the rhythm of American life, but insufficient impact to my improvement. For a long time, even casual interactions felt like walking a tightrope, especially small talk which seemed so natural to others, felt foreign for me. Moreover, while American favors confidence and directness, modesty and indirectness are highly valued in Asian cultures causing me to hesitate to share too much or speak too boldly, fearing I might come across as rude or ungrateful. Persistently and slowly, I began to adjust and build a new mindset - not by erasing my own identity, but by harmoniously collaborating with the existing personality in me.
One such challenge to adapt was returning to college. In Asian culture, pursuing education beyond the "right age" is considered as unnecessary. Yet, I chose to defy those conventions. I enrolled with a goal of earning a bachelor's degree, even when self-doubt whispered that I might not belong among younger students. In reverse, I could have chosen an easier path: taking a 9-5 job, earning a steady paycheck, and leading a materially sufficient life. But I wanted more. I wanted to grow, to learn, and to become a compassionate, knowledgeable person. No matter where I live, prioritizing personal growth over comfort is always a commitment I make to obtain a brighter future.
Looking back, I realize that this chapter of my life isn't just about a personal silent battle but about discovery and transformation. The voyage is still in its early stages, and I know the road ahead will be paved with challenges, failures, and moments of self-doubt. Though I welcome these experiences as part of my growth. Most importantly, I've learned that life isn't about trying to make the right choice - it's about making your choice the right one. The best is yet to come, and I am ready for it.
