[IELTS TASK 2]THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS ON THE SOCIETY WHEN THE PROPORTION OF OLDER PEOPLE IS INCREASING

Impacts of Aging Societies

It is true to say that a number of senior citizens which is growing faster, has grabbed the attention in many parts of the world. While some people argue that a phenomenon impacts positively, but I think it has negative consequences on their societies.

Firstly, some countries have struggled with the shortage of workers, especially in manual works. This will greatly affect the economy of countries in the long-term. This can be explained by some job requirements for certain careers that the elderly not be suitable for, such as health condition, a great resilience or creativity. As a result, in Japan and Europe, governments must adopt policies to attract foreign workers so-called importing workers. This has led to various disadvantages as well, one of that is immigration will make society insecure.

Secondly, the growing of aging population put huge pressure on state subsidies, including retirement houses and medical services. In fact, these funds will certainly come from the working population may result in a great tax burden on working adults. Medical care, for instance, older people are more liable to diseases and disabilities realating to age, it is undeniable that the demand for health-care facilities will rise and modernize.

In conclusion, although I am concerned about the positive trends,I would believe that this tendency would have negative effects if it is not noticed legitimately.

@Kimngannguyen267
Hello there. I'll provide you with feedback on your writing.

Try to evade using repetitive words. Try to also enhance your writing through using more specific words and adjectives when you are describing. What specifically do you mean by migrants creating an insecure environment?

For you to be able to expound these thoughts, save some space in your writing through prioritizing your content. Ditch portions that are filers - or those that do not add anything substantial in your writing's overall meaning.

Furthermore, try to also focus on curating content that's more targeted in its meaning. If you have a specific direction you want to take your writing or paragraph into, do not stray far from that.

Best of luck as always.

your idea is good, but your essay is to short for an ielts writing task 2, you have to write at least 250, so try to extend your paragraphs