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ielts - the proportion of older people and positive / negative effects


It is expected that in the future the proportion of older people will become larger than the younger people in many countries. Is this a positive or negative development?

It is inevitable topic that we will face with an aging society in the future. How to evaluate impact of an aging society? Different people have different answer.

There is no denying that, on the one hand, capital and labor market should profit from the elder when they still work for their department and companies. To begin with, what the elder must work continuously will trigger that labor cost rapidly decrease. Specifically, the elder, who are sophistical administrators or technicians and no longer any training, can help their employer save an enormous of money. Obviously, employer will afford huge finance to train young employees for being suitable for their job. Besides, the elder can manger their work more efficiently and smoothly. Usually, the elder possess more affluent experience of work than the young. Meanwhile, their enthusiasm in working is high as much as the young. Therefore, the elder in working will are huge fortune.

On the other hand, negative concerns about aging society have also been gradually emerging. Firstly, aging population bring about serious burden on family. More precisely, in the future a family will be forced to breed up four elder and one child, for more and more a couple only have a child and the elder increase as well. Secondly, aging population will present severe pressure on society, such as public healthcare and welfare. As we know, when the elder were deprived of work and were ill, it would be mammoth financial burden to the whole society. However, we have enough labor to build more wealth to resolve the problem, for the elder would be more lager than the young. Hence, how can we image this picture?

To sum up, I really think the negative effects overbalance the positive effects to aging population. So, our government and society must implement proper strategies to face the problem in the future, Such as we can build more reasonable social security and welfare system for the elder. And we will be possible to solve the problem.

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p.s this is task of ielts exam.
i hope that you give me some advice including three aspects : arguments , idea and evidence; communicative quality; vocabulary and setence stucture.
thank for your consideration

This is IELTS exam topic on the 10th March 2012 (Academic Module) - Australia

I wrote 4 paragraph, apart from Intro and Conclusion my two main paragraphs are as following:

Paragraph 1: more elderly would pose some negative influence -> a) government financial burden (pension payment, medical care arrangements); b) young families (work and childcare responsibilities) may feel difficult to manage how to balance the two, or three side (look after their grandparents)

Paragraph 2: however, it is convincing that it would be a positive development -> a) senior citizens have many valuable experience and skills about every day life (they could be the guider or adviser to those younger people how to deal with different sort of things, e.g. such as fix a washing machine); b) due to the growing ageing population, it would promote the development of relevant industry - home-aid appliance ( explain: these equipments are great to support them if the family members or carers away from them)

I don't know whether I hit the right point, but I wrote a similar topic before - "should aged people stay with their families or nursing home? why?
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