The number of people from overseas who visit five different states, during a four years period

The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.

A breakdown about the number of people from overseas visited in 5 states during 4 years periods. It is measured in millions. Overall, it can be seen that, there was upward trend in the proportion of tourist came in 5 countries. And the most popular was USA and France.

Firstly, from 1995 to 2000, except USA and France saw a small number of tourists arrived Brazil, Egypt and Malaysia. Malaysia stood at 20 while, Brazil and Egypt at 9. However, there was a gradual incline approximately 5. In contrast, USA was the most popular country as much as 70 tourists, and then rose by 15. On the other hand, a dramatic increase experienced at the number of visitors in France from 30 to 60.

Lastly, during 2005-2010 witnessed an extremely increase of tourists went to Malaysia and France. They were grown up approximately 20. Furthermore, the proportion of visitors in Egypt and Brazil was under 20. Whereas, in USA experienced a small decline by 5. (165w).

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[INTRODUCTION , batter if you use present tense] [ i think you should mention table or graph ==> suggestion ==> ...people from overseas who visit in 5 states during 4 years periods IS PROVIDED BY GRAPH].

... tourist came in 5 countries.AndAND==> parallel structure or conjunction that do not separate by dot. it mean that it can be put in front of sentence the most popular was ...

overall it is good writing.. keep spirit ekyy ((:
.

Hi Miss Reski. Here are my suggestions for you.

in order to make your score higher, you are encouraged to use the variety of complex structure. it should be changed to "... 5 states during 4 years periods(,) is measured in millions."

... gradual incline approximately 5.
==> By 5

of visitors in France from 30 to 60.
or you can say "two-fold"

witnessed an extremely increase of tourist GOING to Malaysia and France.

I hope it can be useful for you.
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.