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The number of telephone calls minutes in Finland in three different categories (period of 9 years)


irvan 2 / 3  
Nov 14, 2021   #1

writing task 1 - telephone calls in finland



The given bar graph illustrates the number of minutes telephone calls in Finland in three different categories, over a period of 9 years, between 1995 and 2004. Units are measured in minutes in millions

Overall, it can clearly be seen that all categories increased gradually throughout the given period, with the exception of the figure for local landline, which decreased over the second half. As a result, although the number of minutes in local landline remained the highest from start to finish, the gap for all figures was narrower at the end.

In terms of the call category with the highest level of usage at the beginning, the number of minutes for local landline stood at precisely 12,000 minutes in 1995. The number then witnessed a gradual increase and reached a peak of just over 16,000 minutes in 2001, before declining steadily to its original level in the final year.

Regarding the other two less usage of telephone calls at the start, the figures for national and international- landline and mobiles started at precisely 6000 and just over 50 minutes, respectively. The number for the former experienced a stable increase and peaked at just above 10,000 in 2004. Similarly, the number of calls for mobiles grew gradually to roughly 3,000 in the following 5 years, after which it peaked at nearly 10,000 in the eventual period.



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,000 3875  
Nov 15, 2021   #2
There is a miscalculation in the summary presentation. The chart is from 1995 up to 2004. It covers a full decade, or 10 years worth of measurement collation. Always double check your references for accuracy. The slightest error will affect the presentation and result in accuracy deductions. The measurement type is also deductible due to the cut and paste reference. You should have used alternative references for the keywords.

The paragraphs need a better sentence balance per presentation paragraph. At least 3 sentences in all paragraphs produce better C + C and GRA scoring overall. Individual thought sentences in the paragraph will directly address that situation.
OP irvan 2 / 3  
Nov 21, 2021   #3
@Holt
thankyou for this valuable feedback


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