Do we ourselves cause change in our lives by making certain decisions?(SAT prep)

Hey there. Can you please comment and help grade my essay from a scale of 1 to 6. Thank you.

Our lives are change d by the decisions we take and not the events that take place in our lives because we as humanbeings are in control of our own lives. Events are bound to take place in our lives as humanbeings but the effect they have on us depends on how we choose to react to them.It is only what we decide to do that can change the entire course of our lives.

The circumstances human beings find themselves in do not always have to determine their fate.
For example, taking a look into Carles Dicken's classic novel,Oliver Twist; Oliver went through many trials and tribulations throughout his life from the work house he was born. He was faced with many negative challenges, met many negative characters but still maintained a good character at the end of the novel.Oliver could have ended up being a thief or worse due to the harsh conditions he was exposed to but he took the firm decision of not letting all the negativity affect his character.In the end of the novel, Oliver is seen to be very happy with a new family and a very positive character due to his decisions.

Another very popular example is the U.S. Presdident Barrack Obama. Obama was born into a very difficult and tough situation as a person, being from a very poor, African American home but he didn't just adapt to his poor, black home, he took the decision to study very hard, work hard, and as a result of his determination, he became the first black president of the united states. obama didn't just allow the events around him to affect his life, he took control of the situation and made it work for his benefit.

It is from the above scenarios that i strongly believe that the changes caused in our lives are caused by the decisions we make and not the events occuring in our lives.

I would give it a 4. You have good points, but the language is often repetitive. Also, Obama did not grow up in "poor black home" (the way you phrased it sounds clumsy and offensive), he grew up in an middle class white family.

I would give it a 3 . but it certainly can improve and has a good example in oliver twist.

An easier way to really talk about this would be utilizing the story of Macbeth ie. Fate vs. your own actions.
Honestly in order for it to receive a six it needs to be a lot longer. People always talk about quality but for these tests you need quality and quanity...but not too much you just need a better introduction and more bulk to your body paragraphs to fully connect ideas and how they connect to the prompt. You need to work on better transitions than -for example and another popular example...that is the first sign to a weak writer. If you can craft some really good transitions than it carries the whole flow, fluidity, and grace of the essay - the main components critics are looking for. Some of your facts are strained...i would use more time to pre-write or more effectively . And a way better conclusion

- Don't take it harshly , just try to work on those things and you will atleast get a 5. I hoped I helped